


Kinæsthesia

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alpha Ben Solo, Alpha Registration, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Animal Abuse, BDSM, Ben Is Super Obsessed W/Rey, Breeding Kink, Complete, Cults, Daddy kink later on, Does This Count As Kidnapping, Doggy Style, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dubious Consent, Enthusiastic Consent, Eventual Smut, F/M, For the First Time in Forever, Forbidden Love, Frottage, Government Agencies, Happy But Unhealthy, Heavy Angst, I Promise Lmao, I Think This Counts As Kidnapping, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mild Blood, Missionary Position, Mutual Pining, Naked Female Clothed Male, No noncon, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Rey, POV First Person, POV Rey (Star Wars), Physics, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Kylo Ren, Power Imbalance, Praise Kink, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Punishment, Re-Education, Recreational Drug Use, Rey is 17, Slow Burn, Submissive Rey (Star Wars), Swearing, Teacher-Student Relationship, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Sexual Tension, if i feel like it, rey is into it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-06-25 12:19:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 42,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15640638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Rey lives in a society where powerful drug implants prevent people from presenting as Alphas or Omegas. People are sent off to 're-education' camps if the implant fails and they present—like her physics teacher is after Rey walks in on him with a sophomore. The replacement teacher, Mr. Solo, is a compliant Alpha male with just as much to prove as Rey, and they're both determined to move up in the world and ignore any distractions. Including each other.





	1. Don't shit where you eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i'm just combining every wonky trope imaginable
> 
> also i read "summer heat" like everyone else in this world because it is a blessing, and i did discuss using the registration concept with isha. i have to double-check our convo because i'm not sure if she wanted me to link to her fic or what, but we did discuss it and she gave me permission. it seems like a small thing, but i take creative theft very seriously. isha came up with the registration bracelet idea and was kind enough to give me permission to use it. otherwise the two fics have little in common. also, in my fic, both alpha and omega peeps must register.
> 
> if you're here and haven't read "summer heat".... i don't know what to say to you
> 
> ANYWAY this will be a different dynamic than usual and not really that dark so REEEEEEE

Halfway through senior year, my physics teacher presented as an Alpha—and fucked a student.

Really. I walked in on them. I hoped to work at the CERN Supercollider one day, so I often popped into Mr. Gosen’s classroom to pester him about my applications to MIT and RPI. On a Friday afternoon I did just that, unannounced like usual, and found him draped over a sophomore’s back with her skirt hiked up. They were done (thank _god_ ) but ‘knotted’ together, bent over his desk.

All three of us screamed and our biology teacher across the hall came running. Mrs. Voss called the cops, like you’re supposed to when someone presents, but also because my forty-three-year-old physics teacher was buried inside a sixteen-year-old. I mean—come on, man. Don’t shit where you eat.

Rose laughed until she snorted milk out of her nose when we talked about it at lunch the next day. Me walking in on my favorite teacher fucking some mousy sophomore _and_ presenting really tickled her. She laughed and laughed. Now we’d have a new teacher while Me. Gosen went off to a ‘recovery center’ to be pumped full of drugs and registered with the feds. He’d be back next school year.

 “It’s not funny!” I snapped. I stole a couple of her fries for good measure. “He’s married and has kids, and now he has to go be brainwashed and crap.”

Rose shrugged, picking at her salad. The lunchroom was abuzz with what happened and everyone was worried they might be triggered into presenting, too. Biology could overpower our implants. They weren’t completely foolproof—and if you _did_ present, you’d be so wild that you had to be sent off for ‘re-education.’ Hence why my quiet physics teacher ended up fucking a teenager in the middle of the school day with the door unlocked.

 “It’s kind of funny,” Rose said. “Did you see the knot? Is it as weird as everyone says? Did he like… smell? They say Alpha males smell weird.” She waved her fork around, frowning. “Like spicy or like cinnamon.”

 “I didn’t see it and no, I didn’t hang around long enough to memorize the smell of the room. Creep.”

Everyone was technically a beta. The implants kept us from ever knowing what animal presentation was waiting to come out. It was like a scarlet letter if you presented. You got a bracelet, took a ton of pills, and everyone knew you’re one step away from becoming a beast.

The police interviewed me after lunch that day. We sat in my principal’s office like I did something wrong, two cops sitting across from me. She had a betta fish in a bowl with flowers even though I told her it’s bad for them. I glared at the bowl, tugging on the hem of my ratty T-shirt, and tried to look calm.

Agent Hux leaned back in his chair. The leather creaked. His red hair was slicked back and he kind of had a face like a rat. Nice suit, though—with an American flag pin on the lapel. These two weren’t cops. They were from the FBI, because controlling the alpha and omega crisis was their problem.

He puckered his thin lips. “Miss Niima… what exactly did you see yesterday?”

I glanced at his cohort, Agent Phasma. Tall lady with short blonde hair and a face that said ‘don’t fuck with me.’ Her perfume smelled as intense as she looked.

I shrugged. “Mister Gosen was on top of Olivia Johnson. I think they were knotted.”

 “Because they didn’t move?” Phasma clarified.

 “Yeah.” My gaze flickered to her blue eyes. “He kind of pulled back like he was trying and couldn’t move.”

Hux nodded and typed on his tablet. They were quiet for a couple minutes. I fidgeted in my chair, unable to sit still for long, and heaved a sigh. Come on. Mrs. Voss already told the cops what she saw so I shouldn’t have to be here.

 “Have you felt anything since then, Miss Niima?”

My head snapped up. Hux had his eyebrows raised and Phasma gave me the same imploring look. I shook my head as fast as I could. God, no. I’m not presenting now. I heard the horror stories of the camps and even if I _did_ have a funky dream, I’d never admit it. Fuck that.

 “Nope!” I squeaked. “Nothing. It just freaked me out.”

 “An Alpha male presenting often triggers a cascade of new…” Hux smiled tightly. “Beasts.”

 “We can help if anything has happened, Rey,” Phasma added, reaching out to take my hand. She smiled, but I knew it was fake. “Any funny dreams? Any changes…” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Down there?”

I kept shaking my head. “No—no. Nothing.”

They let it go and ended the interview, but I could feel their eyes on me. They’d be watching for the next few weeks to see if the sight of an Alpha male made me present, too.

I went back to class and tried to think of other stuff. My application to MIT needed some polishing and the essay for RPI was… eh. Princeton was my ideal school but I didn’t think I’d be able to get in. Harvard, too. Harvard would be nice. But I was going wherever Rose went so we could study together.

Our new physics teacher would be arriving the next day, so I had to make sure I sucked up to him or her. I hurried home after my last class, English, racing my bike through the empty streets of Adams. Mount Greylock loomed in the distance. Maybe I’d drag Rose on another hike this weekend.

The run-down double wide I shared with my Uncle Unkar was down at the end of a dirt road. I hated being alone with him in the middle of the woods, but the February chill meant my suffering was almost over.

I dumped my bike near the door and scratched my dog’s ears when she loped up, straining her chain. Daisy had that cute pitbull mug with the fluff of a golden retriever and she was so sweet. I unhooked her chain and brought her inside. Her ears were cold.

Unkar sat in his usual spot on the couch. The trailer reeked of cheap weed and beer. I strutted into the living room to confront him about leaving Daisy out and kicked an empty beer can out of the way.

 “Stop chaining her outside!” I snapped. “It’s like thirty degrees out.”

My uncle’s Alpha bracelet jangled as he took a drag from his blunt. He’d been hot stuff back in the day, working for NASCAR repairing engines; big typical Alpha male. But the laws changed, and the meds turned him into a slovenly asshole.

He grunted. “Stinks up the place.”

 “ _You_ stink up the place.” I collected some cans to return for lunch money, Daisy trailing behind. “Go shower and put down the roach for five minutes. I’ll start dinner soon.”

Plutt huffed but raised his obese self off the creaky couch and shuffled down to the bathroom. I dropped my backpack on the recliner and threw cans in a garbage bag while Daisy wagged her white tail and helped, depositing one with her slobbery mouth every few minutes. I took a hit of Unkar’s blunt when I was done and held it in my lungs as long as I could. Oof. Weed did take the edge off.

I cleaned off the kitchen table and fed Daisy her kibble before starting dinner. Pasta with broccoli and chicken—fettuccine alfredo, if I had the money for alfredo. I turned on the radio to listen to music while I worked, stirring in butter and oil and spices to make the meal palatable. Daisy begged like always and drooled on my bare feet.

Unkar came back and plopped in his chair with a loud thud. His thinning grey hair was finally clean and he didn’t reek of BO anymore. I handed him a cold beer and he gazed off into space while he drank it. His medals of achievement from the Marine Corp. decorated the kitchen walls. He’d stare at them a lot.

Dinner was served a few minutes later. We ate in silence like we always did. I gave Daisy a couple bites of pasta to keep her happy.

 “Good,” Unkar muttered when he was through. “I’ll wash. Do your homework.”

 “Good. Thanks.”

Our interaction was over for the night. I whistled and Daisy followed me to my bedroom across from Unkar’s. The water in the sink ran as I shut my door.

My English paper took the longest. Language didn’t make much sense to me, but numbers did. I texted Rose a bunch of times for help. It took forever to get responses thanks to the shitty cell service out in East Bumfuck. She pointed out different errors until I managed to get the sloppy mess into a passable paper about _Lolita._ Weird book. I picked it just to creep out my English teacher.

Around nine my uncle knocked on the door. I called ‘come in’ without looking up.

He peeked inside. “Saw the news. One of the teachers…?”

 “Yeah,” I sighed, rolling my eyes, “Alpha male. The FBI talked to me and everything.” I hesitated, then glanced at his wristband. “I’m fine, Uncle.”

Unkar nodded, rubbing his ruddy red nose like he didn’t care. “Yeah, fine. Stay safe, kid.”

He shut the door quickly. My uncle was a negligent slob, but still better at his worst than my mother had been at her best.

That night I tossed and turned, ecstatic about meeting my new physics teacher. I’d been all about making contacts recently so I could somehow get to the point of even _seeing_ the CERN Supercollider. They could potentially make a black hole. They smashed atoms together and answered questions no one dreamed of. They proved the existence of the Higgs-Boson!

When morning came I could barely contain myself. I kissed Daisy goodbye and reminded Unkar to keep her inside before I headed out into a light snowfall. Ugh. If we had another snowstorm it meant I had to take the stupid bus or hoof it to school on foot.

Rose waited for me outside like usual. She beamed, waving a skinny wrist, and gabbed on our way in. Brr—the February morning chill bit right through my sweater and jacket to my thin skin. I wasn’t meant to live here, honestly. CalTech or Berkeley were more my speed with the sunshine and stuff.

 “I know,” Rose moaned at our lockers. “Seriously, I got into Berkeley so I bet you will, too!”

 “The application fee is two hundred bucks.” I shrug, curling hair behind my ear. “And my uncle needs someone to keep him alive. He’d literally starve to death without me there.”

Rose kept nagging me to ditch Plutt and move cross-country the whole day. I played with my fidget cube to keep from jumping out of my chair. I wanted California sunshine, but I also couldn’t abandon the man who saved my life, even if he was a slovenly dick. Plus, Daisy _had_ to come with me.

 “I’ll cover the fee!” Rose hissed on our way to physics. “Seriously! Just _try._ Ms Martin can help you flesh out the paper and you’ll get in, full scholarship. You have the best sob story possible, Rey, and you’re a fricken genius. Play volleyball!”

We filed into the small room with twelve other students. I took my spot in the front with Rose and kept bickering with her while opening my binder. She didn’t get it! She had an awesome family that she could see whenever she wanted, and I only had Uncle Plutt. No mom, no dad. Just Unkar. And my four-legged baby, Daisy.

The door closed. I swatted Rose’s hands away when she tried offering me a check with her mom’s name on it, refusing to accept charity. I had enough fucking charity to last a goddamn—

We squealed at the sound of a book slamming on the front desk. Everyone else laughed while Rose and I tried to catch our breath before looking up at the source of the impact.

First I noticed the tight stainless steel bracelet on his wrist, inscribed with his registration number. The grey sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled back to the elbow of muscular forearms leading down to huge hands. One index finger tapped idly on the cover of _Introduction to Physics._

Slowly, I raised my eyes up his tall, broad chest to a long, melancholy face. His shoulder-length black hair framed a sloping jaw and made him look paler and even more intimidating. His nose polished off the same ‘don’t fuck with me’ look that Phasma had.

I stared blankly. Oh no. He was hot.

He smiled and put his hands in his pockets. “If you two are finished, I’d like to begin teaching.” He raised his eyebrows, sarcastic. “Do you mind?”

We shook our heads in tandem. He shook his, too, mirroring us, then snapped his dark eyes to the rest of the classroom. He was _nothing_ like Mr. Gosen. I gaped up at him like a fish and took Rose’s check without looking away.

 “My name is Mister Solo,” he called in a deep, sharp voice. “I’ll be taking over instruction for your physics class for the remainder of the school year. I don’t like tardiness—” his gaze flickered to mine and I reddened “—and I don’t like _chatter_. Open your books to chapter ten and pass your homework forward.”

I defrosted and scrambled to get my assignment out. Rose nudged me violently with her elbow when Mr. Solo picked up a ruler to tap on his palm. She whispered in my ear as she handed me her work.

 “He can smack my ass with that ruler,” she whispered.

 “What was that, Miss Niima?”

My heart skipped a beat. I shoved Rose away and shook my head, locked in his dark, penetrating glare. Oh Jesus. The weird omega porn Rose showed me a few months ago popped up in my head.

 “N-Nothing!” I stammered. “Rose said—”

 “I heard _your_ voice,” Mr. Solo interrupted. He cocked his head, still idly tapping the ruler on his palm. “Are you saying I’m mistaken?”

Something deep inside me knew this guy was an Alpha male and I should just do what he said. The drugs had it covered up but it still wailed and screamed beneath my skin. I shook my head fast and apologized and handed him the homework with a trembling hand.

The lesson began without any more drama. I kept my eyes on my book the whole time and didn’t answer questions like usual. Good first impression, Rey.


	2. Glorified Valium Pez Dispenser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys slay me with ur kindness for my strange writings have another chapter
> 
> anyway..... i don't want to give the plot away, but no, he isn't going to suddenly become her doctor; this isn't a something wicked rehash
> 
> everyone makes him an english professor so i wanted to shake it up and make him extra crabby about his job....... maybe to the point of.................................... moving

At the end of the day, I headed back to the physics classroom to apologize to Mr. Solo. I worried he wouldn’t take me seriously and would keep nitpicking everything I did. He had to like me. I needed his help getting ready to apply for college in a couple weeks. Mr. Gosen was long gone.

The halls were emptying out. I shifted my heavy backpack and passed a window where snow drifted by in sparse clumps. We’d have a storm next week.  This was just a dusting to make driving annoying and the sidewalks slippery. I’d have to walk to school tomorrow, just to be safe.

I tiptoed to the classroom door and peered inside. Mr. Solo sat at his computer with glasses perched on his long nose, studying something intently. He didn’t look up when I knocked and continued to ignore me as I approached. He’d pulled his black hair back in one of those douchey top knot things, but he was still inexplicably hot. How’d he know my name before roll call? Hm.

I stood before the desk with my hands clasped and waited for him to address me. He stayed silent, dark eyes flickering across the computer screen, thumb under his jaw and index finger curled near his lips. The bracelet glinted in the harsh fluorescent lighting: ‘ _AM050585PHDBSOLO’._ That was a mouthful.

Irritated, I cleared my throat. “Mister Solo, I wanted to apologize—”

 “Mister Gosen didn’t give extra credit and neither do I, Miss Niima,” he interrupted without casting me a glance.

 “I don’t need extra credit, _sir._ This is my best class.” I wriggled my nose to keep myself from saying something rude. “Mister Gosen was helping me prepare to apply for schools, so—”

Mr. Solo rose suddenly from his chair in the middle of my sentence. He began putting things away in a brown leather messenger bag, including his glasses in a black case. I caught sight of some books that weren’t physics related, like _DSM 6_ and _The Old Man and The Sea._ I also happened to notice that he wasn’t wearing a wedding band. By accident.

While I stood there glaring at him, I picked up on the weird cinnamon smell Rose mentioned. Faint, but definitely present. I nudged the toes of my sneakers together, nervous for some reason. I’d met like one other Alpha and Uncle Unkar was too drugged up to give off any indication of being one. Omegas were usually nice, though. More common and approachable.

 “I won’t be of much help,” Mr. Solo said, buckling the bag.

My heart sank. “Why not?”

He twirled on his black coat sleeve by sleeve, casting me a cold glance. “Well, I _was_ a psychiatrist before I had to register, but here I am, teaching high school physics from a syllabus.” He smiled in a snarky way. “I’m not sure if it’s the school or myself that’s more pathetic.”

I blinked in surprise and followed him from the classroom. “Wow, really?! They made you stop practicing?”

 “Yes.” Mr. Solo locked the door and started walking, long strides quickly outpacing me.

But I wasn’t about to give up. I skittered after him down the empty hallway and tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t be insulting. Sorry you’re a doctor teaching high schoolers? Uh… sorry you wasted eight years of your life? Move to California where you’re allowed to practice?

I managed to get in his path and he stopped dead. Mr. Solo’s dark eyes studied me as I tried to speak. Why did he have to be so _tall?_ He could’ve swatted me aside like a leaf in the wind.

 “W-Well it’s the essay,” I stammered. “I’m a bad writer. Psychiatrists write… right?”

 “Ah. I minored in English lit, actually.”

I beamed up at him, hopeful. “So, you can help?”

He smiled back, then it dropped to a scowl. “No. Ask your _English_ teacher, Miss Niima.” Then he took a step closer, just about getting in my space. “And don’t chatter in my class.”

Mr. Solo brushed past me and headed out of the building into the snowy afternoon. I glared at his back and muttered comebacks. Asshole. No wonder Alpha males weren’t trusted in real work positions. Well, except in California and New York. Mom used to call them filthy liberals.

I grumbled and went home myself. The snow picked up along the way and I had freezing cold fingers when I got to the trailer. Daisy barked inside and slobbered all over my jeans when I came in. I let her lick my fingers to warm them up and rolled my eyes at the sight of Unkar on the couch. Whatever. I didn’t have the energy to convince him to get up.

Rose texted me while I pulled off my sneakers.

 **Rosie:** _he’s sort of a dick???? Lmao_

**Me:** _yuuuuup. can’t argue with that. won’t help me with my essays. and he used to be a shrink so that’s why he’s all pissy._

**Rosie:** _sucks to suck i guess_

Unkar stirred. “Got pizza in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

 “Thanks,” I called on my way down the hall.

Daisy led the way into my bedroom, tail wagging a mile a minute, and leapt on my pink comforter. I flopped down next to her on my back and smiled while she licked my face. I didn’t have much—just a couple stuffed animals and some snow globes—but at least I had Daisy. I found her in Boston in an alley on a school trip and smuggled her home in my backpack. She stayed quiet the whole time, like she knew I’d bring her somewhere safe.

I pored over my essays for an hour, struggling to make sense of what I wanted to say. Hey, I’m Rey Niima, and my drug addict mom gave me up to her alcoholic brother—hence the cute accent. I needed to stand out. I did have a good sob story, and I had the grades, plus volleyball and debate team, but… lots of people had that stuff.

I couldn’t go too deep into my hellish life in London. That would just be depressing. Hell, _I_ didn’t want to think about it, let alone make other people think about it. My mind wandered while I chewed the cap of my pen.

Everyone thought I’d be all traumatized from catching Mr. Gosen and Olivia, but I was totally over it. The way he tried to pull away from her and couldn’t was sort of hysterical. He’d been acting weird for a couple days after a trip to Bermuda… must’ve seen an Omega there. I gnawed my pen, frowning at the thought. People went on trips especially to fuck Omegas or Alphas in other countries. I wondered if Mr. Solo ever—

My mind buzzed like I was having a seizure. _And don’t chatter in my class._

I fell off my bed in a panic, yelping, and Daisy dove to my rescue. She whimpered and licked my forehead while I groaned and cupped my bruised elbow. Goddammit. What the fuck?

 “I’m okay,” I mumbled to the dog.

She nosed my hair anyway. I had staring spells when I was a kid but outgrew them. One more little one wasn’t worth calling the doctor about.

Daisy stayed close by the rest of the night. She usually did, but now she was up my butt. I sighed and patted her head while I ate my pizza and shared a few bites of pepperoni. She laid her muzzle in my lap and whimpered. I frowned and stroked her head. Poor thing. Maybe she needed new food.

Rose texted me more about how much she hated Mr. Solo. I wasn’t a huge fan, but I did feel bad for him. Unkar suffered a lot when the registration laws came out. He used to be rich and funny and now he was… not. Doctors lost their licenses, lawyers couldn’t work; professional degrees were off the table. Any kids of Alphas and Omegas had to be registered immediately and go off for re-education.

My phone vibrated.

  **Rosie:** _ok but he can still smack my ass with that ruler_

**Me:** _you’re fucking sick_

  **Rosie:** _god, i know………. u watchin oitnb??? it’s on netflix_

I raised an eyebrow.

 **Me:** _don’t change the subject from what a depraved freak you are, rose tico._

**Rosie:** _I AM SORRY OKAY MOM GOD_

**Rosie:** _i know i need jesus_

  **Me:** _you need more than jesus…_

  **Rosie:** _i need…………._

**Me:** _DON’t u DARE_

**Rosie:** _A RULER_

I laughed so hard I cried into Daisy’s fur. Good god, that was enough of Rose Tico for the night.

The snow stopped the next morning, leaving a light dusting on the ground. I took Daisy out to pee and said goodbye, weirdly having to shove her off to get out the door. She watched me from the window with the most pathetic look possible.

But I tried not to let the guilt of leaving her behind follow me to school. I met up with Rose outside like always and she pushed a pair of white gloves into my ungloved hands. Daisy ate my last pair.

 “No!” I snapped. “You already gave me—”

 “I found them in the basement, Rey. Just take them before your hands freeze off.”

I sighed and muttered ‘thank you’ with a side hug on our way upstairs. Rose smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder.

My English teacher gave me an extra week to fix my paper on _Lolita,_ just because she liked me, and it pretty much ruined my day. I’d busted my hump to write a good one. I sat through all my classes pissy as hell and ignored Rose’s texts. Fuck English. I could speak it and read it. I didn’t need to pick it apart.

My bad mood followed me to lunch. I picked at my PB&J while Rose talked about spring break and how she was going to Aruba with her parents and her older sister Paige. Normally it didn’t bother me listening to her because it wasn’t like she could help having money, but I was losing my patience. I muttered an excuse and left her alone at our table to storm off to the library and pout.

Our school was tiny and so was the library. I shoved my way through the heavy doors and down the ramp to sit and mope at a table. Someone else had their notebook out near a row of computers but I was otherwise alone. I collapsed in my chair with my sandwich and glared at it for a full five minutes.

Stupid sandwich. Stupid English. Stupid Berkeley. All I wanted was to be more than my mom ever was and escape living in a trailer with my depressing uncle. Rose would come back with a tan and a bad ass henna tattoo and then she’d go to Berkeley without me. I’d probably die in my uncle’s dumb trailer. I already smoked his pot and had the occasional beer. Mom would be proud.

 “Did the sandwich do something to you?”

I blinked and looked up to find Dr. Asshole sitting across a low shelf at another empty table. He raised his eyebrows imploringly, slowly chewing something, and took a sip of coffee. Today he had a sweater on. Grey with a white collar sticking out of the top and his black hair in a half-ponytail. Bourgeois.

I picked at my white sweater. “No.”

Neither of us spoke for a while. I kept examining my shirt, determined not to break the silence. Rose’s texts about the ruler trickled into my head and I reddened all the way up to my ears.

 “Principal O’Malley told me you’re the one who stumbled in on Gosen.”

If I was blushing before, now I was about to burst into flames. I sort of glanced at Mr. Solo and was relieved to find he wasn’t smiling. His long face was… pensive today. Sad, but not _melancholy._

I picked apart my sandwich and popped a piece in my mouth, trembling. “Yeah, so? Are you making fun of me?”

 “No.” His chair creaked, but I didn’t look up. “If you’re uncomfortable around me, the class can be taught online instead.”

Psh. This time I did meet his gaze and again noticed the sad, steely distance in it. His lips pressed together and he had leaned back in the chair, one arm stretched over the side. It hardly fit him.

The bracelet caught the fluorescent lighting again and I tried not to focus on the veins and tendons in his forearm. Stop rubbing your fucking thumb to your index finger. Stop staring at me.

 “My _uncle_ is an Alpha,” I said with more disdain than intended. “My Mom was an Omega. I’m used to you people.”

 “Ah. I assumed you’d be afraid of me.” Mr. Solo gestured to the open book on his table. “Psychiatry.”

 “Are you psycho… psycho…”

 “Psychoanalyzing?”

Ugh. I rolled my eyes, now munching on my sandwich. “Yeah, that. You doing that?”

He shrugged. “Do you _think_ I am?”

Wow—impressive evasion. Even my mother wasn’t that good at dodging questions. ‘Where have you been mommy?’ ‘I don’t know, Rey—where do you _think_ I’ve been?’ Would’ve worked, too. I’d have said ‘the candy store’ or some shit.

I narrowed my eyes and rocked back on the feet of my chair. “What if I say yes?”

 “I ask how it makes you feel or why.” Mr. Solo waved a hand, rubbing the bridge of his nose under his glasses. “I didn’t do talk therapy; I filled prescriptions and sh—stuff.” His voice lowered. “Glorified Valium Pez dispenser.”

 “What if I said no?” I continued.

 “…Then you wouldn’t have asked the initial question, Miss Niima.”

We stared at each other in silence for another minute, maybe trying to read the other’s eyes. I sure as hell was. How did I get him to fix my essays?

Mr. Solo stood, gathering his crap. “I’ll see you in class, then. Enjoy the rest of your lunch.” He supported his books in one hand and coffee in the other. “And no, I won’t help you with your essays.”

Oh, come _on!_ I gave him a sarcastic smile all the way to the door. He smelled like cinnamon as he passed me. Stronger than yesterday.

Somehow, my bad mood lifted. I met up with Rose and we walked to physics together. She showed me a picture of Paige’s new butterfly tattoo and we laughed about how it was actually a tramp stamp. Pretty—but a tramp stamp.

Mr. Solo hovered near the front of the room, leafing through the syllabus. I quickly slid into a seat in the back and tugged Rose with me. I didn’t want to be on his radar. I wanted to be on another planet away from his radar. Rose huffed about how she couldn’t see from the back and put on her glasses.

The door closed. Our teacher continued leafing, standing behind his desk, towering over it. He idly scratched his jaw. The ‘gland’ was under his jaw. Yuck. That was vampire—

 “Miss Niima—the lights, please.”

Part of me hated him, part of me wanted him to help me with my fucking essays, and yet another part of me scrambled to do whatever he asked. I tripped out of my chair and over my brown boots in my haste to hit the lights. He didn’t look up, but my classmates laughed at me. I flipped them off with both hands in the darkness.

 “Making obscene gestures, _Miss Niima?_ ”

This time he said my name with a deeper inflection. I shivered and shook my head, jamming my hands in my pockets. Still, he didn’t look up.

 “No!” I exclaimed. “Nope. Not me.”

Mr. Solo beckoned me with one long finger. “I seem to recall you sitting up front yesterday. Come. You too, Miss Tico.”

My asshole classmates giggled. Rose dramatically sighed ‘thank god’ and we went to our usual seats up front. But before I could sit in mine, Mr. Solo clicked his shiny black shoes to one on the edge of the cluster and dragged it right next to his desk. It was ridiculously close to the Smartboard and made it so everyone could stare at the back of my head.

He smiled, gesturing with his long fingers. “Please, Miss Niima. Sit.”

I laughed nervously. “Um, I can’t see from there.”

 “Oh, I’m sure Einstein’s reincarnate will find a way.” Mr. Solo patted the curved writing edge of the desk. His dark eyes made my heart race. “Here you can receive all the attention you crave. So, I implore you _again_ : have a seat.”

No one laughed this time. I swallowed a lump in my throat and plopped in the chair with my backpack. It was better punishment than being sent to detention, but he didn’t have to such a dick about it. I clasped my hands in my lap and glared at the Smartboard.

Mr. Solo carried on. “We’ll be watching a movie every Friday. Stay awake and pay attention.”

He sat in his chair a few feet away from me and clicked around on the computer. I fidgeted with my thumbs, then opened my backpack for my fidget cube. I expected him to take it away, but he didn’t say a word. The movie started: _Interstellar._ Yeah, totally physics related.

I played with the frayed cube the entire class with my teacher five feet away. He rose at one point to circle to the back of the classroom and snatched a phone or two in the process. At one point he came to stand right beside me, turned so he could gaze across the tiny class. It honest to god felt like a concentration camp. I flicked the light switch on my cube.

Mr. Solo had on cologne, but I could pick up the spicy smell in my mouth. Gritting my teeth, I rolled my thumb across the metal ball on the cube. Couldn’t he go bug someone else? I’d tell him my mom died from a fentanyl overdose and he’d fuck off like everyone else did.

He shifted beside me. “What is that?”

I remained hunched over. “A fidget cube.”

 “…For what purpose?”

Now I glared up at him. “ _Fidgeting._ I have a hard time sitting still.”

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything more.

I couldn’t leave fast enough when class was over. Mr. Solo went to his computer and I rushed out of the room, fuming mad with Rose trailing after me. What a miserable prick.


	3. Give me things straight up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't done a slowburn in forever so i'm going to drag this shit out

 “Just ask Ms Martin, Rey. She’s awesome.”

I’d come to the Tico household for my regular weekend sleepovers with Rose. We’d set up shop in Rose’s bedroom with snacks and movies, Daisy snoozing at our feet with Rose’s new kitten, Marie. Marie had a smooshed Persian face and super soft all white fur. Daisy was kind of scared of her.

I opened Rose’s armoire with my bare toes while shoveling a handful of Fritos in my mouth. Ms Martin already cut me a break with the _Lolita_ paper like six times. I couldn’t also ask her to make my application essays passable. But I had a couple other teachers to pester before worrying about crawling back to Dr. Asshole for help.

 “I’ll ask Mrs. Voss,” I said. “She’s cool. Maybe we’ll bond over seeing the same freaky thing.”

Rose laughed and flopped down in her pale pink sheets. Her room was about the size of my whole house. It had a weird mix of frilly pink stuff and posters of engines and cars—bits of Paige and bits of her. Rose idolized her sister a little.

 “Paige knows Olivia’s friend Willow,” Rose said from behind her phone screen. “Willow said Olivia didn’t even _want_ to do it, but felt like she had to for some reason. Wonky, huh?”

 “More sad than wonky, Rose.”

We watched _Trainwreck_ for the third time and kept chatting throughout the night. Rose’s house was like a vacation every weekend. I could eat whatever I wanted, her parents loved me, and I didn’t have to worry about taking care of anyone else. Sometimes I needed a break from Unkar and his passive neediness.

The weekend went by too fast like it always did, though. Rose’s dad dropped me off home Sunday afternoon with Daisy and I stood there and watched them drive off down the dirt road. Maybe I did need to get away from Adams. California would be a nice change of pace and Berkeley had housing for students with pets. I could say she was an emotional support animal or something.

I finally turned toward the trailer and saw a strange little package sitting on the porch.

Frowning, I shouldered my backpack filled with snacks from Rose’s house and hesitantly picked the brown parcel up. Small and square, tied neatly with a piece of twine in a bow. It didn’t have a card or a note or anything. Daisy gave it a hearty sniff because she also doubled as a bomb-sniffing dog, and cocked her head in approval. I turned the thing over a couple times on my way in the door.

Unkar wasn’t on the couch oddly enough. His rickety blue truck wasn’t out back, either, so I assumed he went to the bar to get drunk. I shuffled down the hall to my bedroom, relieved not to see him.

Daisy hopped up on my bed beside me and I reached out with my toe to push my door shut. She drooled as I slipped the twine free and carefully ripped through the pretty brown paper. Who the heck would drop off a present for me? Rose? Joking?

Inside the wrappings was a new black fidget cube—one of the fifteen dollar ones I refused to buy. I stared at it in dumb shock for a full minute before turning the plastic container over in my hands. My thoughts immediately turned to the brief conversation with Mr. Solo about them on Friday afternoon. No way. He didn’t even _like_ me.

I sent Rose a picture with a bunch of question marks and she sent back an array of creepy winking faces. There was no way my teacher left me a present. How did he know where I lived? Maybe Unkar went out and got me something to be nice.

That question got an answer an hour later when my uncle stumbled in the house drunk. I locked my bedroom door with Daisy inside with me. She growled as he passed by, mumbling to himself, and thankfully collapsed in his own bedroom. I petted her head while turning over the sealed fidget cube box in the air, curious. I’d have to ask about it at school tomorrow. I didn’t need his charity, _or_ his sympathy.

So I stormed off to school Monday morning in the brisk chill, Daisy watching by the window.

Rose immediately took the fidget cube when I met her outside school and giggled. I shoved my hands in my coat pockets, scowling and blushing. I’d never gotten a lot of attention from guys, so… Well, I did, but I had a lot on my plate and I couldn’t risk getting pregnant in high school like my mother did. I wanted to go work for CERN, not live in Adams raising a smelly baby.

 “It’s totally from him,” Rose gushed. She squealed and nudged me with her elbow. “He’s so in love with you, Rey. You’ll have hot babies together with fancy British accents.”

 “It’s not from him!” I hissed. I pushed past a gaggle of freshmen, fuming. “But I’m going to make sure it isn’t. Someone probably felt bad when he humiliated me Friday.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “All he did was pull your desk up front. Mrs. Voss did that last year, drama queen.”

We moved through the throng of smelly teenagers to our lockers. I spun the combination in to my lock and shuffled through papers and notes scattered around to find my history book. Rose’s locker literally smelled like flowers and she had a mirror and decorations inside. I wished my life was that organized.

 “Mrs. Voss had a good reason.” I managed to slam the door shut before all my books spilled out on the floor. “You and me were being obnoxious.”

 “I guess.”

The new fidget cube got a good workout for the rest of the day. It felt smoother than my old one and wasn’t about to break apart. I tried not to chew my lip while I fiddled with it under my desk in Spanish. I’d go check the library for him during lunch. Mr. Solo— _Benjamin_ Solo. His full name was right on the registry website.

Rose sat with another group of girls during lunch while I headed for the library. I stuffed the cube in my hoodie’s kangaroo pocket, careful to avoid the huge holes, and pushed through the heavy doors into the quiet library.

A gust of recycled air raised the hairs on my nape and I felt a flash of anxiety. What if I was wrong? I’d look like an even bigger freak.

But I plodded down the beige carpeted ramp to the sitting area, again mostly devoid of other people, and saw him in the same exact spot. A blue dress shirt today with black pants and his hair down. His dark eyes scanned his laptop screen before flickering to me gawking at him from the ramp. I recovered somehow and took out the cube with a flourish to wave from across the room.

Mr. Solo peered at me over the rim of his glasses. “Forgive me, Miss Niima, but I can’t see what you’re trying to show me.” He snapped his fingers, summoning me like it was second nature. “Come.”

I bristled and set down my lunch and backpack on my own table. Then I stomped right over as he closed his laptop and folded his arms over his broad chest. His lips twitched like he wanted to smile. It made me want to punch him in the face.

 “Someone dropped this off on my doorstep!” I spat before I could think of a better way to approach the subject. I slapped the thing down on the table. “And _you_ asked about my cube on Friday.”

 “So…” Mr. Solo puckered his lips, scratching his jaw in thought. “You think I gifted you this bauble?”

 “I don’t think it; I know it.”

 “Why?”

I yanked out the chair across from him and sat down at first, then decided to kneel so I was closer to his height. This time he did smile, just at the corners of his lips, and slowly straightened to his full height. I still had to look up at him.

Huffing, I snatched the cube and flicked the switch side. “No one else would—and it was wrapped in twine. That seems like something you’d do.” I wriggled my mouth and reddened. “Maybe you felt bad for humiliating me Friday afternoon.”

The memory of everyone staring at the back of my head with Mr. Solo circling the room like a vulture made my skin crawl. All I did was flip off my classmates. Wasn’t like I insulted him or anything.

 “That’s answers _how_ , Miss Niima,” he drawled. “Not why.”

Grr. Why would I think he gave it to me? There were a lot of implications in that. He rubbed his jaw, idly watching me continuing to turn pinker in the cheeks, then gestured toward my backpack.

 “Show me the essays,” he said.

I perked up. “What? Really?”

 “Miss Martin asked me to have a look.” Mr. Solo raised his eyebrows. “So go get them.”

I couldn’t get up fast enough. I almost fell on my face scrambling out of the chair and came back over with all of my things to find the essays. I’d written them out by hand because I didn’t have a computer at home and hated storing them on the ones at school. I rifled through old papers and garbage until I found them near the bottom of the mess.

Mr. Solo slipped his laptop in his messenger bag and accepted the first one for Princeton. I took a seat across from him, jittery at first, then smoothed my hair down and tried to preen a little. His registration bracelet said he was born May 5th, 1985, so he was going on thirty-three. I was going on eighteen. No big deal… just a couple more months.

He smoothed out the crinkled paper and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his long nose. He had moles I hadn’t noticed before and a curving scar across his cheek. I wondered if he’d been sent off for re-education like Unkar was. Probably. People were especially terrified of Alpha males. They were the ones everyone _really_ wanted under control.

Mr. Solo scratched under the curve of his jaw and I picked up the smell again. He’d have an implant like my uncle did and take a handful of pills every day to keep his natural urges under control. I stared at him, mind continuing to wander. Did he ever do that ‘knot’ thing? Could he still do it?

He heaved a sigh, hand curving to rub the back of his neck. “I’ll take this home to review if you don’t mind. Do you have the other two?”

 “Just, um—” I unfolded the MIT essay and the RPI one. “I haven’t done the one for Berkeley yet. But I can only afford to apply to two, so it’s probably Berkeley and MIT.”

My teacher accepted the two, but frowned when he checked one. He turned it to face me.

 “ _Lolita_?” Mr. Solo said in a dry tone.

I piled papers back in my back pack and laughed nervously. “It’s for English. Miss Martin gave me a week extension.”

 “Hm.” He scanned the paper for a moment. “Did you know this book is deeply critical of psychiatry, Miss Niima?”

I blinked. “Really? I thought it was just about some gross pedophile. I picked it to creep out Miss Martin.”

Mr. Solo kept reading, quiet for a minute or two. I grudgingly fiddled with my cube in my kangaroo pocket, catching the frayed skin on my fingers. Ugh. Books were always about _more_. Math was easy. Two plus two equals four. There was nothing more to do it. Books? Well, the color of their eyes could mean something, and setting could mean something; the friggen _weather_ could mean something. Frustrating. Give me things straight up.

 “It seems literary analysis is not your strong suit.”

I smiled sourly. “Yeah, thanks.”

He set the paper down on the table so he could scratch under his registration bracelet. Long scars knotted along his pale forearms, crossing veins and muscle in a way that drew my eyes. I stared and rubbed my throat with my knuckles, mesmerized.

Three years ago things would’ve been different. He never would’ve been my teacher, but if he was, I would’ve presented by now and maybe…

I kept rubbing my throat, gaze traveling up his neck to the spot where the gland would be. I’d bite him, he’d bite me, and we’d be stuck together until death. Well, if I’d been an Omega like mom. He wouldn’t have given a Beta a second glance. Maybe he was funny and charming like Unkar had been.

 “You’re different than my uncle,” I blurted.

Mr. Solo continued reading. “How so?”

Oh fuck. I wriggled my feet under the table and gave a feeble shrug.

 “He had to go for re-education and takes all the drugs. He’s miserable.”

My teacher made a noncommittal sound of agreement, but didn’t reply. Eep. Probably didn’t want to talk about that. Not appropriate.

Everyone was waiting for me to present, keeping an eye on every little thing I did. Omegas sometimes ended up as prostitutes before the implant law. The government was ‘preserving morality’ by forcing all of us to get the drug implant. If I presented, it would be _bad_. Dramatic.

I twiddled my thumbs. “…So, thanks for your help. I appreciate it.”

Mr. Solo glanced up at me. His dark eyes penetrated deep past my hazel ones and my sweaty palms dropped the fidget cube. It rolled across the carpet towards him and he casually leaned over to pick it up between two big fingers.

 “I’ve been told you’re a good student and deserve it,” he said, “and—”

His breath hitched.

At first I thought he hurt himself. I leaned across the table to check and saw him an inch away from picking up the cube with a trembling hand. His black hair obscured his face.

 “Want me to get it?” I chirped.

He swallowed hard and snatched the cube off the floor like it might disappear on him. We sat up straight and I expected him to toss the thing back, but Mr. Solo turned it about in his long fingers, staring intently at it.

His thumb obscured the entire switch, my favorite side. He gently pushed it back and forth twice.

 “What an odd trinket,” he said, more to himself than me. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Don’t disrupt class with this, Miss Niima.”

 “You gave it to me,” I reminded in case he thought I’d let it go.

The bell rang to signal the end of lunch. Mr. Solo dropped the cube on the table and gathered my papers, including the one about _Lolita._ His face was inscrutable as always.

 “I assure you, I did not.” The bag clipped shut. “I’ll take a look at these throughout the week and return them with suggestions. See you in class.”

I felt a weird urge to keep talking to him, even though he pissed me off a lot. I chewed my lower lip for a second before hopping out of my chair to follow him out of the library. He stood on the ramp, which was enclosed by trophy cases, and gave me a look that said ‘fuck off.’

My heart did some weird little flips. “Uh… You know you can practice in California, right? There’s like a three month probation.” I shrank back, clinging to my physics textbook. “If you wanted to stop teaching high school physics from a syllabus.”

Mr. Solo loomed over me like a vague threat; a storm off in the distance. But he was here right in front of me, dwarfing my height, with dark eyes that I understood about as well as _Lolita_ (apparently). Something hummed just beneath the surface of my skin and the odd taste burned inside my mouth.

He rubbed his mouth with the hand he used to pick up the cube and I could’ve sworn he licked one of his fingers. Then he stalked off, shoulders tight, and left me standing alone on the ramp. Okay. Rude.


	4. Their exile was permanent and tragic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever i'm on a road trip whee

_“Miss Niima.”_

_I’m early to class for once, cleaning a chalkboard where the Smartboard should be. I turn and see Mr. Solo standing in the open doorway with his hands in his pockets, black hair hanging to his shoulders the way I like it. He smiles and steps into the dark classroom as he rolls his grey dress shirt sleeves up to his elbows._

_I smile back. “Hey! Did you get a chance to look over my papers?”_

_“Oh yes.” He keeps smiling as he shuts the door behind him and turns the lock. “I certainly did.”_

_My brevity fades, swelled up with nervous anticipation. I glance down and notice I’m dressed just like Olivia was when I saw her with Mr. Gosen._

_I babble. “W-Well was it all okay? Do you—” Mr. Solo saunters toward me, dark eyes locked on mine. “Do you h-have any suggestions?”_

_The odd taste of cinnamon prickles on the roof of my mouth. It feels like the room is shrinking and I have nowhere to go; I can only cower against the chalkboard until he decides what he wants to do with me. I like it, through. It’s_ exactly _what I want._

 _“Not much,” he says. His gaze stays level on my face as he unbuckles his belt, working through the clasp with ease. “I enjoyed your paper about_ Lolita _very much—such an interesting novel.”_

_I stare as my teacher comes closer and closer until he’s looming over me like I’m used to. He looks down at me without tilting his head, all arrogant Alpha male, but I’m not offended by it. I rub my thighs together to suppress the heat coiling between them and his smile takes on a smug edge._

_Mr. Solo steps into my space, forcing me to curve my spine on the chalkboard tray. He cranes his neck, nosing along the crown of my skull, and settles his hard, warm body flush against mine. I cling to the tray and whimper in my chest like Rose’s kitten._

_“Shhh,” he whispers, nuzzling my hair, “shhh. I’m not going to hurt you, kitten.” He hums and presses his cheek to the side of my head. “I’m going to bend you over my desk and fuck you. Is that what you want?”_

_I nod once, too afraid to say it out loud. He draws the tip of his nose across my forehead then lifts me with one arm around my waist. When he sets me on the edge of the desk, he cups my face in both of his huge hands to make me look him in the eyes. He’s standing between my knees and the proximity sends tingle of excitement to the apex of my thighs._

_Mr. Solo raises his eyebrows, amused. “Speak up, Miss Niima. Is this what you want?”_

_My chest feels tight. “I… I can’t say it out loud.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because I—I shouldn’t want it.”_

_He cocks his head, then kisses me once, lips lingering on mine. He speaks into them without pulling away._

_“Neither should I.”_

My eyes snapped open and I jumped out of bed before I realized I was awake. Ears ringing, I stumbled and caught myself on Daisy’s back. She whimpered like she was nervous and followed me around while I got dressed for school. Ugh. Weird dream.

Not an unwelcome dream—just weird. I idly scratched my jaw, pulling on jeans and the sweater I’d worn a few days ago. _Kitten._ Eep.

Friday had arrived and Mr. Solo was ready to give me feedback after school. I’d done my best to be a model student all week and helped him out once or twice with teaching some of the concepts. He hadn’t been super happy about it, but it needed to be taught, and I liked teaching to reinforce concepts in my own head.

Daisy hovered like she usually did nowadays until I told her a stern ‘no’ and left the trailer. Unkar was passed out on the couch with a can of beer.

The snowfall was heavier today—local news said there might be accumulation up to six inches. I walked to school to be safe, since riding my bike home in fresh snow was a terrible idea and I definitely didn’t want to push it the whole way. It would take a few extra minutes but I didn’t mind.

My thoughts wandered during my walk. Mr. Solo was warming up to me. I’d go to the library on my lunch now and sometimes sit in silence with him on the other side of the barrier. He always dressed up more than the other teachers and worked on his laptop or read a book. I would eat my lunch and play with my fidget cube, hoping to get him to admit he bought it.

He wouldn’t, of course. He’d do his own thing and occasionally ask me if I’d done my homework. Of course I always did.

Rose caught up to me on the snowy sidewalk outside school. She wore a pink puffball hat and pulled one over my head before I could refuse. More charity…

 “Mom and I found these in WalMart for five bucks a piece. Can you believe it, Rey? _Five bucks._ I’m like Kate Spade with these fashion choices.”

I laughed. “Sure, Rose. Something like her.”

In English I told Ms Martin my paper after Mr. Solo reviewed it with me, and she was pleased with that. I thanked her again for the multiple chances she gave me, since I really didn’t deserve it.

The day drifted on. I decided to have lunch with Rose since I would be seeing my library partner after school. The weird dream seeped into my thoughts while Rose talked about her trip to Aruba or Bermuda or wherever she was going. Mr. Solo would never do something like that. He wanted his medical license back and that wouldn’t happen if he…

I shuddered. My neck tingled.

Rose didn’t seem to notice. She gave me her second slice of pizza and I wolfed it down, pushing the thoughts of my teacher out of my head. He was way too old for me and I seemed to annoy the bejesus out of him. Better to let it go.

Friday meant a movie during physics, which would be nice. I followed Rose into the classroom and caught a glimpse of the heavy snow falling outside. Maybe it’d be better to take the after-school bus home instead of walking. My boots couldn’t take much more abuse from salt and snow.

 “Wonder what we’re watching today?” Rose said, setting her backpack down next to her desk. “ _Ancient Aliens_ would make total sense to me.”

 “ _Doctor Who,_ ” I offered. “Both totally physics related.”

Our other classmates filed in and took their seats while I chatted with Rose about which Doctor we preferred from _Doctor Who._ I was a David Tennant girl, but Rose liked some guy from years ago who I’d never even watched. I’d just started teasing her about how obsessed she’d been with Matt Smith when the lights turned off.

Mr. Solo let the door close behind him and walked to the front of the dark room. He set his messenger bag on the desk and reached up for the screen pull cord. Khakis and a maroon sweater today with Sperry’s; hair in a half-ponytail. Very preppy. Normally I didn’t care about what people wore, but—

 “We’re going to finish up _Interstellar_ ,” he said, interrupting the lull of conversation in the room. He leaned over his desk and clicked around on his computer. “Miss Niima and I have work to do in the office. I’ll be listening for any disturbances.”

The class murmured until he shot them a sharp glare. My pulse quickened and Rose waggled her eyebrows at me, like an ass. There was a narrow room between the physics and bio rooms that held extra equipment and a computer for the teachers to use if they needed it. It wasn’t so much an office as it was a two-doored closet.

I lurched to my feet when Mr. Solo beckoned me. The office was in the back corner of the class, so he’d be able to keep an eye on everyone where they couldn’t see him—or me—easily.

He carried in a black folder and dragged a chair behind him. The movie began playing across the room as he gestured for me to sit in the chair inside the room, while he sat at an angle where he could see the class. The door stayed open thank _god._ My stomach already flipped being alone with him in such a small space.

Mr. Solo sat maybe six inches away from me. He tugged his sleeves up to his elbows and opened the folder on the small desk that spanned the room from end to end. His cologne smelled like… rain maybe, but the Alpha cinnamon scent made my mouth tingle. I pulled on the hem of my sweater, shifting my thighs together, and tried not to think of the dream.

He took out both of my application essays first. “The weather is supposed to take a turn for the worse, so I figured we should review these now.” His dark eyes scanned the sheet, not bothering to flicker in my direction. “Your essays were adequate, just in need of organization. But since sitting still doesn’t come easily to you, I reworked it into a more coherent pattern. Wouldn’t want you to wear out your new trinket so soon.”

Now his lips twitched into a ghost of a smile and his gaze met mine. I nodded quickly and mumbled a ‘thank you’ without bothering to see how he fixed my work. It was probably perfect.

Mr. Solo’s eyes narrowed and he leaned back to bark ‘shut up, Mister Williams’ into the dark classroom. I broke out in a cold, nervous sweat that beaded on my palms first. I’d never been so fucking anxious in my entire life. I hurriedly wiped the sweat off on my jeans when he turned his intense attention back to me with an annoyed huff.

 “Teenagers,” my teacher muttered. He pulled out the _Lolita_ essay and pressed out the creases. “You weren’t in the library this afternoon. Sick?”

I blinked. Uhh…

 “No,” I said after a long pause. “Just had lunch with Rose.”

 “Ah. I see. Did you eat your food instead of playing with it?”

I kept blinking like a moron, sort of surprised by him… teasing me? He smiled and raised his eyebrows imploringly, so I hurried to spit something out.

 “I eat it!” I blurted. My cheeks felt hot. “I just rip it up first.”

 “Mm. Seems to be a nervous habit—in my _technically_ unprofessional opinion.” Mr. Solo was somehow still smiling, even though by now he was usually back to an angry scowl. “I charge by the hour if you want a more in-depth analysis.”

My dream popped back in my head. I wriggled my mouth and the heat in my face crept to my ears. _._

 “It doesn’t take a doctor to figure that out,” I replied, pressing my lips together and tugging my essay from under his fingertips. Be cool, be cool. Don’t give it away. “So I don’t think I need your services, _sir_.”

He licked his lips offhandedly and heaved a sigh, still smiling as he averted his gaze to the paper. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought he was about to laugh.

But he didn’t. He took out another sheet of paper with ‘THEMES’ written on it in typical messy doctor handwriting. I squinted, only able to make out numbers one, two, and three.

 “With _this,_ ” Mr. Solo said, “I figured I’d write down the major themes of _Lolita_ to make things a bit simpler. Miss Martin said you’re missing two of them and again, need more organization.”

 “I can’t read your scribbles, but I know I picked up on the use of language… thing. Like he uses flowery words to hide the awful stuff he’s doing—language is a powerful tool.”

 “Mhm. Right.” He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, raising an eyebrow. “Since you can’t read my ‘scribbles,’ why don’t you hazard a guess at the other two?”

I chewed the inside of my cheek and furrowed my brow. “Uh… well, they go on the road trip together. And you told me the book is anti-psychiatry.”

 “The road trip is a major part of the book, but they aren’t both willing participants. Does Lola have anywhere else to go?”

 “…No. Her mom dies.”

He lifted a hand as if to say ‘duh.’ “She has nowhere to go except with Humbert. He’s very happy to leave everything behind. They wander around the country, belonging nowhere, in metaphorical exile—which is Humbert’s fault. And what about their position at the end of the book?”

It clicked in my head. My eyes widened in surprise and I looked up in Mr. Solo’s eyes.

 “Their exile is permanent and tragic,” I said, voice lifting a bit with excitement. “Humbert goes to jail and Lolita goes with that dude!”

 “…Dick Schiller. But you get the concept.” He clicked his pen, dark eyes right looking through me at something else. “And the things that happen _during_ their exile alienate them from ‘normal’ society, to the degree that they create their own set of rules to excuse their depraved behavior.”

I nodded quickly, on a roll and ignoring his weird expression. “Right. They’re trapped by the freedom they both wanted and neither can go back to the way they used to be.”

Ben—er, Mr. Solo—loosened his arms over his chest. He draped his forearms on the desk and toyed with the registration bracelet, only nodding in response to what I said. I beamed, pleased with myself for finally figuring it out. Go me!

We reviewed how Humbert tore down psychiatry in an effort to excuse his immoral behavior, and how Nabokov, the author, also distrusted psychiatry. I pointed out a few spots where Humbert ragged on the field, like deliberately lying to a counselor and scoffing at Lolita’s ‘sexual immaturity’ comment from a school counselor.

Class was over before I knew it. Mr. Solo dismissed everyone and Rose waited for me outside the room so her mom could give me a ride home.

I packed my stuff in the office, smiling up at my teacher hovering near the door. “You’re really good at this analysis thing, huh?”

He pushed his glasses up and flashed his eyebrows toward his hairline. “It’s almost like I used to do it for a living.” The tendons flexed in his forearm, but his hand was hidden in his pocket. “…We can review more on Monday if you’d like.”

 “Miss Martin wants it today,” I said. I zipped up my backpack and groaned. “Which means I’ll have to stay after to type it!”

 “I’ll talk to her. You should head home to be safe, and I’ll help you Monday after school.”

I beamed and he smiled back at me like he wasn’t used to it. His eyes tracked my movements and flickered down to my hand when I offered it for a shake. My palms were still kind of clammy.

 “Great!” I chirped. “Thank you so much for taking the time to help me.”

Mr. Solo stared at my hand like he had to make a hard decision about touching it. His cheek went sallow from chewing like I did and he hesitantly drew his hand from his pocket to accept my gesture. His warm skin felt nice. Callouses scraped on my much softer palms.

He squeezed and took a shaky breath. “Have a good weekend, Miss Niima.”

 “You too!”

As I left the room, I saw a reflection in the window of him slowly rubbing his palm under the edge of his jaw with his eyes closed. Something I didn’t understand was pleased by the sight.


	5. Glory is short-lived like the marlin's meat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll update something else eventually

The dreams grew worse that weekend—graphic and drawn out, waking me up in a pool of sweat. Thankfully I wasn’t having my usual sleepovers with Rose when I woke up inexplicably horny from one or two and had to change my panties. That was unpleasant and shocking enough that I considered calling the doctor.

But I ignored it, refusing to give in and masturbate thinking about my teacher who I had to look at five days a week. Unkar and I didn’t have the money for a doctor’s visit either. The last one Monday morning tipped the scale.

_Ben is in my bed for some reason—Ben is how I know him in my dreams; how my mind turns him over obsessively. He’s in a grey dress shirt and slacks under the covers with me but I’m completely naked. Makes sense. I’m always exposed and he’s covered from head to toe._

_He rolls across my back, pinning me halfway to the bed with a gentle creak, and slips a big hand between my legs. I claw at my sheets, panting like a bitch in heat. The same weird wetness pools on the bed as Ben dips his fingers through my folds the exact way I do. His warm breath comes in pleased growls near my ear as I whimper and squirm into his touch._

_Snow falls outside, deafening the wildlife and casting a chill across my room. The trailer is dead silent. We’re alone here._

_“I’m sorry,” I mumble. “I don’t know what’s happening.”_

_“Mm?” He sounds drowsy. “Oh—this?” Two thick fingers creep lower to gather the thick fluid leaking from me. “This is slick, kitten. It’s a good thing.” Ben shifts closer, kissing my neck. “This is a_ very _good thing.”_

 _One finger eases inside me and I’m too lost in the pleasure of being validated to think about much else._ This is a very good thing. _I should know. Mom made more money when she was in heat._

My hand was already down the front of my pajama pants when I woke up with it covered in slick. Whimpering, I kept moving my fingers, angling my hips on top of my hand and rubbing desperately. Fuck. I was just… ovulating. It would pass.

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit down on my pillow when I climaxed. Daisy was outside my door—I’d been keeping her out since the first dream. I breathed hard and fast through my nose, jerking my hips on my fingers. Pleasure ebbed through me, but it felt empty, like loading up on Chinese when I was drunk. I’d be hungry again soon, and only something real would fill me up.

Groaning, I rolled out of bed and wiped my hand off on my forearm. I changed my panties again, now running out of fresh pairs, and got dressed for school. The pressure in my gut went away for a bit. This happened every once in a while. I chalked it up to rough ovulation, not the obvious.

Daisy followed me with her ears pinned back. I ate breakfast and patted her head before I left. Unkar’s bed freaked down the hall, an odd thing for such an early hour, but I snuck out before I had to talk to him. No thanks.

My mind wandered on the bike ride to school. The roads had been cleared of snow, now just layered with brown slush and salt. I pedaled uphill and kept running my forearm on my jacket absentmindedly. Mr. Solo had rubbed the hand we shook with on his throat. Sweat gave off pheromones, so… maybe…

I laughed and shook my head. “Yeah right.”

What would a thirty-something year old man want with a seventeen-year-old? Nothing good. Plus, I had my implant, so I didn’t give off pheromones.

Rose met me right inside the doors at school. It was colder than usual and we giggled over our matching hats. I’d submitted my applications to Berkeley, MIT, and Princeton, so I was officially waiting for a response. It would take a month or so. We couldn’t wait.

 “You’re going to Berkeley,” Rose insisted at our lockers. “You and Ruler can start your fancy family with a brooding dad and genius mom. It’s perfect, Rey.”

 “You’re giving this _way_ too much thought.”

She shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a dreamer.”

Rose usually was the dreamer, but lately I was falling into the category, too. I stared off into space throughout my classes, thinking of Ben, and correcting myself every time I thought of Mr. Solo as Ben. There had to be something wrong with me, but I couldn’t risk going to the doctor.

I spent my lunch with Rose again, not just because she asked, but because I wanted to see my ‘brooding’ teacher’s reaction. Paige said the school hired him to save money—the physics class was basically lined out by Mr. Gosen and they could hire Mr. Solo at a third of the cost. He’d be cut loose at the end of the school year with no drama and no benefits. I’d be pissy as hell if I were him. He went to… what, eight years of college, just to have it taken away in one day?

It wasn’t right. Being an Alpha or Omega had nothing to do with professionalism or the ability to do your job. Drugging then silly was a tactic born out of fear, not common sense.

I nibbled my pizza and lifted my arm to look at the thin rod just under the surface of my skin. We were all being drugged. Didn’t that bother people? I hadn’t thought about it much until now, but I didn’t like some government entity controlling my body. I _really_ didn’t like it.

Mr. Solo was already standing at the front of the physics class when Rose and I walked in. He glanced up from the syllabus and gave me a terse nod when I waved. Everyone else took their seats while I wandered up front with Rose and the door shut behind us. I slid into my desk in the front, laughing with Rose, and heard Mr. Solo take a sharp breath.

 “ _Rey,_ ” he growled.

I glanced up at the sound of my first name coming from his mouth. His pale face was drawn tight, lips pressing together so hard they turned white, and his jaw flexed from side to side. He jerked his head toward the office.

 “Why don’t you… organize?” he suggested, containing another irritated growl.

I shrugged and gathered my stuff. Okie dokie. This was just review on junk I already knew, anyway. Rose slapped my butt on my way past and Mr. Solo barked ‘no sexual harassment, Miss Tico’ drawing snickers from the whole class.

I settled my things in the office with the door open so I could hear the lesson. It did need to be fixed up a bit in here. I reached up for the binders overhead and picked through each one, placing laminated lessons in the right order from September thru June, and soon lost track of time. The bell rang to signal the end of class and the start of my review time with—

He was _right there._ I squeaked in shock upon finding Mr. Solo looming in the doorway, both hands shoved in his pockets and broad shoulders stiff. My lips parted to speak and the roof of my mouth tingled from the Alpha scent, which I now realized was probably pheromones. I blinked up into his dark eyes and laughed nervously. The office began closing in on me, tight and restrictive, pulsing with raw energy.

His throat bobbed. “You had lunch with Miss Tico again, I assume?”

A powerful urge to grab the front of his shirt and smell him overtook me, but I played it off as reaching for my backpack. I unzipped the front flap and took out the corrected _Lolita_ essay, clearing my throat. Was I insane or was he just as uncomfortable as I was?

 “Yeah,” I said, nodding as I sat in front of the computer. “Should I not?”

 “I certainly won’t stop you.” Mr. Solo rubbed his thumb across the etched face of his registration bracelet. “Did you enjoy your weekend?”

I shrugged as I logged on. He sat beside me, once again kind of close for comfort.

 “Boring,” I sighed. My fingers clacked on the keyboard. “Rose wasn’t home.” Oh, I also had like six sex dreams about you and got off to one of them this morning.

 “It seems the two of you are joined at the hip.”

 “She’s like a sister to me, yeah. We’ve been best friends since I came here from London.”

He clasped his hands on the desk to watch me, but I didn’t look up at him. The classroom fell silent.

 “To live with your uncle?” he prodded.

Anything was better than acknowledging the tension between us. I nodded, neatly avoiding his gaze, and nudged my paper towards him. He drew it closer with his fingertips and our eyes met for a split second long enough that warranted more explanation. Sigh.

 “My Mom loved fentanyl more than me,” I explained to his imploring look. “She’s dead now.”

 “…I’m sorry to hear that. Forgive me for bringing it up.”

I waved him off. “I don’t care anymore. She was a terrible mother and I’ve been living here for like ten years or so now. So, do I just need to type this, or…?”

Mr. Solo pointed out where I needed to rearrange things, stretching his long arm across the back of my chair. He rested his chin on his palm to watch me, elbow on the desk, close enough that I could feel his body heat. I was already a slow typer and it was made worse by the mistakes I kept making, nervous under his gaze. The back of my chair squeaked as he rubbed it between his fingers.

I swallowed, throat dry. “Did _you_ have a good weekend?”

His chair creaked as he adjusted himself and pointed to the screen. “‘Their,’ not ‘they’re.’ And yes, I did. Boring, like yours, but that’s not always a bad thing. Did some reading.”

 “ _The Old Man and the Sea_?” I guessed.

 “Saw it in my bag, hm?”

 “And the diagnostic manual for psychiatry,” I continued without looking up.

B—Mr. Solo laughed under his breath. “Snooping, Miss Niima?”

I smiled at the screen and shrugged, scratching my throat. “A little bit. What are the themes in that book? I heard it’s boring.”

 “It’s fairly simple. The honor in struggle, death, and defeat, man’s place in nature, and friendship. Glory is short-lived like the marlin’s meat… the strength of resolve.” He laughed again, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s a complicated book.”

 “See, I’d just see a book about an old guy catching a fish.”

 “I know you would. You’re going to _loathe_ philosophy.”

 “Don’t I know it,” I muttered. “I’m probably going to Berkeley and they’ll want me to take all those frou-frou classes with analysis.”

He was quiet for a minute, so I glanced up and saw him smiling at me from behind his index finger, amused. I reddened and huffed. Fine, make fun of me. See if I masturbate to a a dream about _you_ again.

Mr. Solo tapped my opposite shoulder with his fingertips. “You’re very straightforward—which is good, but critical analysis is also useful. Physics requires some degree of critical thinking, yes?”

My skin tingled where his brushed it and my pulsed throbbed in time with my racing thoughts. Oh my god. He touched me. Oh Jesus fuck.

 “Maybe theoretical physics?” I typed with trembling fingers and refused to look up at him. Heavy pressure settled in my gut. “I mean, math is pretty straightforward. The rules are the rules.”

 “…True.”

We lapsed into silence. Mr. Solo drummed his fingers on the desk.

I finished up after an hour and emailed the paper straight to Ms Martin. Mr. Solo followed me from the office and we quietly slipped into our coats. He was impossible to read. One minute he seemed like he hated me and the next…

 “Want a ride, Miss Niima?”

I hesitated in the middle of sipping my coat. He had his on, black and down to his knees, and was in the middle of pulling his hair in a sloppy ponytail. He raised his eyebrows.

I gestured wildly toward the door. “I—bike—rode—”

 “I have a Jeep.” He peered out the window at the snow drifts. “It’s really coming down out there. Come. I insist.”

My gut clenched. Okay. He insisted.

We left the silent school together side by side. I skittered along beside him, struggling to keep up with his long strides, until he smirked and slowed down. I sniffed, indignant.

The parking lot had more snow than I expected and I was happier about accepting a ride. Mr. Solo had a fitting black Jeep that had no problem fitting my bike in the back. I hopped in the passenger seat beside him and took stock of everything around me. Car freshener that smelled like new car, a lighter in the coin slot, and a carton of cigarettes in the cup holder.

 “You shouldn’t smoke,” I parroted just like health class taught.

Mr. Solo clicked his seatbelt and cast me a sideways glance. “All my old bad hobbies are off the table, unfortunately.”

Right. Alphas and Omegas weren’t supposed to drink alcohol or smoke marijuana, but plenty did. Drug tests were random but still had a week warning, so most people could detox for the week and pass—or find someone else’s urine.

Otherwise, Alpha and Omegas were usually so heavily drugged that they didn’t even want to have sex anymore. I heard the re-education camps left many of them traumatized. Uncle Unkar sure seemed traumatized, but Mr. Solo didn’t. Mom died before she could be sent off to one.

I wanted to ask about it, but wasn’t rude enough to do so. I reflected instead about my intense, broody teacher sipping from a tumbler of whiskey with a blunt between his fingertips. It… didn’t seem right. Maybe just the whiskey and no weed.

The confined space did nothing to help the tension simmering between us. I sat with my hands in my lap, breathing slowly through my mouth to taste him on my palate. My lips were barely parted and every inhale sent a jolt of excitement to the apex of my thighs. Maybe I’d think about him fucking me in his car tonight.

 “Your uncle is an Alpha, correct?”

I nodded, examining my hands. “Yes. Why?”

Mr. Solo flipped his turn signal and turned up the heat. “Just wondering.” He fiddled with the dial a bit more. “He went for re-education?”

 “A couple years back. He wasn’t the same when he came home.”

 “Most of us aren’t.” He glanced at me, dark eyes inscrutable. “It’s not a place you want to go, Rey. Doctors won’t hesitate to send you—nor will any of the teachers. My uncle reported me.”

What?! I gawked at his words, horrified by a family member dooming one of their own to re-education. One of mom’s ‘clients’ reported her for a reward but she kicked the bucket first. The hair stood up on my nape as I pieced together my recent symptoms and what they met. No. Nope. I would not become my mother. He finally called me by my first name, too.

Mr. Solo nodded as he turned down my gravel street. “Just a word of advice.”

I thanked him again when we stopped in front of my trailer. The lights were on and I could hear Daisy barking like she expected to come out and meet him, but figured that was too far. He leaned over across the wheel to look past me at the trailer. I was beyond embarrassed.

 “Thanks again for the ride,” I said with an awkward wave.

 “Of course. Let me help you with your bike.”

We stepped out into the cold late afternoon. The sun sank behind us as Mr. Solo opened the back and hefted my bike out. Our shoes crunched in the fresh snow, Daisy barking like mad from the trailer. Ugh, what was her problem?!

I sighed and offered my hand for a shake. “See you tomorrow?”

 “Mhm.” His calloused hand clasped around mine, squeezing gently. “Always a pleasure, Miss Niima.”

We shook—and he extended one long finger to stroke along the inside my wrist. My heart skipped a beat and the surprise must’ve shown on my face, because he quickly pulled away and muttered ‘sorry.’ Then he left and all I could feel was the stroke of his fingertips down my wrist like a line of fire. My hand trembled.


	6. They treat you like a fucking animal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning, this has violence against an animal  
> i know that really upsets some people so  
> no animal death tho; do you know how fucked up i was after "i am legend"????

The dreams faded away for a couple weeks. They’d come in bursts and stop, leaving me confused and upset, but I never called the doctor. It was way too risky. If… if I was becoming what my mother had been, I’d be sent off to re-education like everyone else. I’d figure it out. Maybe nothing was happening in the first place. I could’ve had a weird virus.

Mr. Solo kept his distance. I’d go visit him in the library but found out he decided to eat in the teacher’s lounge instead. He didn’t smile or laugh at anything I said anymore, just sat in stony silence during most of class. I didn’t even tell him I got an A on my paper about _Lolita_. He seemed annoyed by me all over again.

But at night I’d think about him—Ben. I liked imagining him coming in my bedroom and slipping under the covers to run his huge hands all over my body. It was hot. It was hotter than him bending me over his desk. He’d probably cover my mouth to make sure I didn’t raise any attention, and make me call him ‘sir’ and call me ‘kitten.’

I dug my heels into my mattress, sweaty and covering my mouth with my eyes closed. My hand squirmed in my panties under the sheets as I quickly came to climax. I stifled my breaths and tried to keep from making the bed creak, but little sounds gave me away. _Fuck_ , I really needed to stop thinking about him that way.

My phone vibrated just as I got out of bed to get ready for school. I yawned lazily and checked it.

**UNKNOWN:** _Rey, don’t come to school today. Agent Hux and Phasma are here to check on you. Stay home._

I knew who it was, but I had to confirm. My pulse pounded in my ears and drowned out Daisy’s whimpering. Using his last name could be incriminating if I was wrong.

**Me:** _um… ben?_

**UNKNOWN:** _I’ll stop by at four and we can talk._

**Me:** _i feel fine tho; i can go to school_

He didn’t text back for a minute. I rubbed my thumbs along the frame of my phone and changed his contact name. How did he get my number?

**Ben:** _I know what’s happening to you. Don’t go to school. They will send you to a camp._

My spine prickled. A _camp._ For ‘re-education.’ I’d be drugged like crazy and tortured like Unkar was. I swallowed hard and texted back.

**Me:** _okay… thank you_

I knew what was happening to me too, but I didn’t want to admit it. The truth would come out eventually—I would go into heat and transform into a wailing animal like my mom used to until an intact Alpha male came around and knotted me. My uncle would figure it out before long.

I broke out in a nervous sweat. Presenting under meds was supposed to be really dramatic, but this was a slow burn. It kept breaking out and receding and steadily getting worse. Maybe it would come to a head very soon and Mr. Solo could sense it. He was still an Alpha, and even though he was compliant with registration and meds, we were affecting each other.

It didn’t make any sense, but I wouldn’t risk being sent to a re-education camp. Nope.

Thoroughly paranoid, I spent the rest of my day locked in my room with Daisy. She rested her head in my lap while I watched YouTube videos of Alphas and Omegas who came back from re-education with scars, both physical and mental. They claimed to have been whipped, starved, and driven to hysteria with the pheromones of the opposite presentation. It was done deliberately to draw out heat or rut, during which the torture grew even worse.

One Alpha male, Poe Dameron, showed off the different knots on his back from being whipped during rut. He had wide dark eyes and wavy black hair, and rubbed his hand over both while he recounted what happened to him.

 “They treat you like a fucking animal,” he said, shaking his head and staring off into space. “They want you to associate heat or rut with pain so you’ll comply—and so you’ll hate sex.” He pointed at the screen and his gaze came back, along with a smile. “But they can’t take it away from us. Berkeley is having a rally this weekend and participates in the Origin Program _so_ if you can make it—please do.”

I noticed he didn’t have a bracelet on like Mr. Solo did. How?

Google told me the Origin Program was a collection of different universities and cities that permitted Alphas and Omegas to live ‘naturally’—as in, no registration and no drugs. They were protected under injunctions from various human rights groups, but had to apply to the program and would lose their status if unregistered Alphas or Omegas wandered off the territory.

Going to Berkeley was looking more and more appealing. In fact, I might not have a choice. Princeton and MIT were both participants, but surrounding areas weren’t as friendly to ‘A/Os.’ Half of California was in the Origin Program.

I could go wherever I wanted without a bracelet or heavy drugs. Maybe Berkeley would consider me more seriously if they knew I was…

 “I’m not yet,” I muttered.

No, I wasn’t an Omega. Not yet.

Rose texted me at lunch to ask if I was sick and I technically wasn’t lying when I said I was. She sent me a frowny emoji.

**Rosie:** _eh good thing anyway—those cops are here to interview you again. bet they wanna see if ur an omega now lol_

**Me:** _ha probably. joke’s on them._

Would they come to my house to check? I unlocked my bedroom door and padded out to the living room to check, arms folded over my chest. Daisy followed behind with her floppy ears pricked. She growled softly as I parted the curtain to peer outside and found even _more_ snow falling.

Unkar wasn’t home. I took the opportunity to do some cleaning and ate a turkey sandwich for lunch, scratching Daisy behind the ears all the while. Today I felt okay. No weird dreams or weird wetness—a welcome relief.

I was licking my fingers when my uncle walked in the trailer. The smell of alcohol followed him and his plaid blue shirt had a big tear in it.

He huffed through his mouth. “Why are you skippin’ school, girl?”

 “I didn’t feel well this morning. Have you been out all night until now?”

Unkar staggered to the table and grabbed my upper arm hard enough to make me yelp. He yanked me off me chair and it clattered to the ground as he raised his voice about me questioning him. Daisy wasn’t having that.

She snarled like I’d never heard before and lunged for Unkar’s forearm. Her teeth met their mark with a sickening squelch and he howled in pain, releasing me to deal with the dog instead. I flung into the wall but ignored a snap up my finger when I saw my uncle throw Daisy into the door. He turned on me and she snarled and went for his leg this time, struggling to keep him at bay.

The rest happened before I could blink. Unkar kicked out his foot, Daisy didn’t dodge, and a loud crack echoed through the kitchen.

Daisy slumped on the wall with a horrible squeal. Her foreleg was bent at the complete wrong angle, pouring blood on the floor. I screamed and scrambled over to her side while Unkar spat about how he’d kill her and he fucking hated dogs. Her fluffy white fur stained gory red the more she struggled, still fighting to get up and protect me.

 “Daisy, Daisy,” sobbed, too beside myself to be soothing, “don’t move, okay?” She whimpered and wailed again. “I know—it’s okay.”

I didn’t have the money for this. I already owed the vet a small fortune. Daisy weakly kicked her hind legs and I hovered my bloody hands over her broken leg. I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea what the fuck—

The front door burst open, slamming into the opposite wall, and I looked back. Mr. Solo walked straight over to me, already working through the buttons of his blue dress shirt with his dark eyes on Daisy. The same thing that told me to listen to what he said also told me we were going to be okay.

Unkar came right over to shout at Ben (fuck it) and he loomed over my uncle with his lip curled.

 “Back up,” he snapped.

And he did. Ben gave one last grunting huff as he slipped out of his shirt and knelt beside me at Daisy’s side. She growled and I pet her cheek, fighting back tears.

 “It’s okay,” I whispered. “Relax, Daisy. We can trust him.”

She wasn’t so sure, but grudgingly let him wrap her bleeding leg. He still had a white T-shirt on that became drenched in blood as he scooped my wounded dog into his arms. Daisy snarled at Unkar one last time on our way out the door.

I was too panicked about my dog to care about screaming at my uncle. Ben carried her like a baby, which I appreciated, and laid her down in the back seat instead of the trunk. Daisy heaved a sigh and closed her eyes as I crawled into the back with her.

 “How did you know?” I asked, voice trembling.

Ben sat in the driver’s seat and didn’t look back at me. “I heard you scream. There’s an emergency vet a couple miles away.”

I lilted into sobs. “I… I don’t have…”

 “Don’t insult me, Rey.” He peeled off from my trailer, letting out a staggered breath. “I’m not going to stand idly by and let your dog die.”

Emotions were too high for me to start frantically offering to pay him back. I laid my head on Daisy’s side to listen to her heartbeat and breathing, afraid I’d hear the last one during the short car ride. She’d already lost a lot of blood.

But we pulled up to the vet within ten minutes and they took her back immediately. I stood by the doors and watched her go until she disappeared behind the glass. The lobby was empty, decorated with pictures of the beach and shit. I collapsed into a comfy blue chair with my bloody hands splayed in my lap.

 “She’ll be okay.”

I looked up. Ben crouched in front of me a moment later and my puffy red eyes followed the motion until he was at my eye level. He smiled faintly and pulled a wipe from the canister near the door, which apparently he’d borrowed. I didn’t react much to his long, equally bloody fingers touching my hands as he wiped them clean. He took his time, massaging out rivets of dried blood from the creases in my palms.

We’d never touched so much, but I was too upset about Daisy to pay attention to that stuff. Ben knelt after a while and went through half the wipes before my hands were clean. He fretted over my nails, making sure the blood came out from under them, and sighed.

 “Come,” he said, standing straight. “Time to wash. Your hands aren’t clean enough.”

Spent from the stress, I took his hand and got to my feet. He threw away the wipes he’d used and put the container back before leading me into the unisex bathroom.

The overhead light flickered to life. Ben locked the door and turned on the water, standing behind me, then moved to the other side of the sink to wash my hands off with soap. Daisy’s blood ran down the drain in a swirl of suds and I stared at the stains on his white shirt.

 “Sorry about your shirt,” I mumbled.

He glanced up. “Don’t be. I’m glad I was there at the right time.”

The shock began to wear off and I flinched as he rubbed his finger across my left ring finger. Pain surged all the way up neck and I tried to pull away, but he held fast. Ben clicked his tongue, turning my hand over like it was porcelain.

 “Looks sprained.” He turned off the water and cradled my hand in both of his. “Can you bend it at all?”

I could—I managed to with some wincing and gritted teeth. His dark eyes traveled up my arm to my bicep, where Unkar grabbed me too hard. He stared for a minute, then blinked and looked back down at my hand.

 “This just needs a splint,” Ben said. He swiped a couple paper towels and patted my injured hand dry. “You should avoid the hospital for the time being, so I’ll see if they have anything of use here. Come, little one.”

 _Little one?_ My cheeks flushed with heat at the nickname and I found myself letting him take my hand and lead me back to the lobby. He set me back down in my seat and went to the desk to talk with the receptionist. She smiled while they chatted and nodded along before heading toward the back. Her gaze lingered a bit on Ben.

He returned to my side, kind of like Daisy always did, and ran a hand through his hair. “No splints, but she’s getting an ice pack. I’m sure you want to wait here until she’s out of surgery.”

I nodded and twiddled my thumbs in my lap. “Yeah, but you can head out if you have stuff to do.”

 “My only plans for this evening involved you, so I think I’m right where I should be.”

 “…Alright.” I switched to checking my hair for split ends, hoping to hide my blush.

The receptionist came back with an ice pack wrapped in a towel and offered it to Ben. He smiled and thanked her, then gingerly took my wrist and wrapped the pack around it. I bit my lower lip to hide a squeak of pain.

 “Sorry,” he sighed, “I’m clumsy as hell. My mother says I have bear paws.”

 “It’s okay; the temperature just surprised me.” I waited for him to move his hands, but he kept them cupped around mine. “Um… thanks for the help. I have an account with a vet in Adams so—”

He heaved a louder sigh, rolling his eyes. “You’re too young to be so concerned about money. Take a breath. Have you eaten?”

 “Yes,” I grumbled. “You’d be worried about money if _you_ lived with Unkar.”

 “I’m sure I would.”

Ugh. I didn’t want his pity and I certainly didn’t need it. But Ben settled a bit closer and I felt warm and tingly all over, like I was in a bubble bath, and I relaxed back in my chair. Something buzzed under the surface of my skin, itching to get out.

His fingertip gently brushed my inner wrist—tentative, testing my reaction. I shivered at the prickling sensation his touch left behind but didn’t stop him or pull away. My heart pounded as he stroked my skin again, languid this time like we were doing some dirty thing. He traced along the crease of my wrist and I hummed contently.

Quiet minutes slipped by. We were out of sight of the receptionist, who answered phone calls in a cheery tone all the while. Ben curved the line on his next stroke down my wrist and I shifted in my chair. I could’ve fallen asleep.

He spoke after a bit, voice low and gentle. “Feel better, little one?” I nodded once, yawning, and he gave my hand a soft squeeze. “Good.”

Then I really _did_ fall asleep, because I woke up to the receptionist telling us Daisy was out of surgery. I rubbed my sleepy eyes as Ben guided me to my feet, handing back the ice pack to the receptionist with a quiet ‘thank you,’ and led me through the glass door to the back.

We went through another door to their ICU. Two cats were resting peacefully in crates and Daisy was lying on her side in a much larger one, eyes closed. Her foreleg had tight blue wrappings all the way up with some smatterings of blood, but they’d washed off her fur. An IV slithered through the bindings.

Her eyes opened groggily as the tech we were with opened the crate. I laughed at first but it turned into a quivering lower lip and more tears when I stroked her fur. Poor Daisy…

 “She just needs a few days here to rest,” the tech said, smiling. “She did very well, though. The fracture wasn’t complete.”

 “Thank you,” I managed between sobs. I looked up at Ben and shook my head, struggling to control myself. “She’s all I have.”

He didn’t say anything, but he nodded. His fingertip brushed my inner wrist again and I shivered, already turning back to my dog. I kissed Daisy’s head a few times and promised her I’d be back in the morning to check on her.

Ben’s keys jangled as we walked back to his car in the dark. He walked around to open the passenger door for me and took the liberty of putting on my seatbelt. I held my breath as he leaned across my lap and the edge of his thumb brushed my outer thigh. Then he pulled back and I could breathe again.

 “I should go check on my uncle,” I said as Ben got in the driver’s seat.

He shot me an incredulous look. “You’re kidding.”

I raised my eyebrows right back at him, wiping my eyes. “No? He’s my uncle. I should make sure he’s okay.”

 “I’m _sure_ the miserable bastard is sleeping off the booze just fine, Rey.” He shifted into reverse and peered between the rear seats. “You’re coming home with me so I can fix your hand. Are you doing anything tomorrow?”

 “…Saturday? No.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Are you sure it’s okay for me to go to your house? I don’t want you getting in trouble.” But I definitely wanted to go. Maybe one of my dreams would become reality.

Ben shook his head. “It’s fine. Just have some discretion, please.”

I nodded quickly. I could be discreet. Definitely.


	7. I was a woman possessed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s l o w b u r n heheheh

Ben lived outside Adams in the boonies, down a gravel road like mine. We passed through rows of dark pines lining his driveway until we came upon a small cabin nestled in a thicket. It had a garage and a porch but not much else surrounding it. The trees cocooned his home, and I imagined it was dead silent at night.

He pulled into the garage and it slowly groaned shut behind us. I’d been keeping my head down during the half hour drive, nervous about being seen, but my teacher didn’t have the same hold-ups. He smirked at me while he drove.

 “I used to live in Boston,” Ben said as he helped me out of his Jeep, “but after I went to Sundance I decided to move out here.”

I frowned. “Sundance?”

 “The camp. They all have misleading names.” He shut the door and locked his car, lips puckered. “Sundance, Skyhaven, Starfield… those are some of the Alpha camps. The only Omega one I know of is Camp Resolve.”

Ugh. I shuddered at the thought.

We walked into Ben’s cabin, across hardwood floors, immediately to the kitchen. It had a small island and dark wood cabinets with older appliances. I could see into his living room and he didn’t have a formal dining room. A small wooden table with wood chairs that had woven backs was about the only other thing there was. He didn’t decorate much.

I watched him for a minute as he puttered around. He dropped his keys on the island and flipped on the lights, but he seemed… uncomfortable. His movements were awkward and stilted. He didn’t like living here.

 “I’m going to change.” He raised his eyebrows to me. “Would you like something to wear?”

Oh—right. I looked at Daisy’s blood smeared on my shirt and nodded.

Ben led me to the second floor, flipping another switch along the way. A short hallway led into his open bedroom and a bathroom just outside it. Still no decorations. Not a picture frame in sight.

 “Did you just move in?” I asked, frowning as I looked around.

 “No. Moved here three years ago after summer camp.” He shrugged without offering me a glance over his shoulder. “I wanted to get away from other people and lick my wounds.”

I panicked, worried I’d tread on more painful territory. “I’m so sorry—”

 “Why?” Ben interrupted. He paused just inside his bedroom, then turned to face me. “It’s a simple question. It _does_ look like I just moved in.” His dark eyes flickered to my hand. “How is it?”

Sometimes his train of thought moved too fast for me. I shrugged and managed to bend my ring finger again, just a couple centimeters. He strode over to a dresser and opened the middle drawer, pulling out two black T-shirts, a pair of plaid pants, and a pair of gray sweatpants. He held them and gazed at me, lips twisting into a wry smile.

 “These are going to be a bit… big.” He offered me a shirt with the plaid pants.

 “It’s okay,” I laughed, “you’re like three times bigger than me, so… thanks.”

I went to the bathroom down the hall to change and brush my teeth (he had some spares under the sink). It had a claw foot tub and a big medicine cabinet with a mirror, which I nosily opened while brushing my teeth.

Five neatly arranged orange pill bottles glowed in the semi-darkness. They all had his full name, ‘BENJAMIN SOLO,’ but they were weird drugs I’d never heard of before. Brixil, Covonate, A-fethyl, Yalance, and Geodon.

They had to be his suppressants. I examined each bottle, shaking up the multicolored pills inside, and furrowed my brow. These were keeping him from being a true Alpha male.

I blinked at the green A-fethyl pills. These were… _poison._ These were all preventing Ben from being an Alpha male, and that made me… angry. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t how he was supposed to be. The bits of cinnamon I picked up on were supposed to be overpowering and—

A stray thought skittered through my mind. _Flush them._

Flush them. I could do that. I glanced over my shoulder at the toilet, toothbrush jammed in my cheek. I could flush them. Then he’d go into rut and fuck me like he was _meant_ to. My pulse quickened with excitement at the prospect of being bent over the island in his kitchen with his knot locked inside me.

  _Flush them._

 “Rey?”

I jumped at the sound of his voice and broke free of the strange urges. Quickly, I spat out my toothpaste and patted my mouth with a tissue.

 “Y-Yeah?” I called, opening the door.

Ben stood there in his pajamas, black hair hanging down and framing his face. A powerful urge to jump on him nearly overtook me.

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Sorry. You were taking a while.” He leaned closer to peer into the bathroom. “Is everything okay? Do you need something?”

 “I’m good—just need to change quick.” Heavy pressure settled in my gut. I had to grab the doorframe to keep from grabbing Ben.

 “Ah. Do you need help?”

My skin tingled at the thought of him tugging off my shirt and pants and seeing me naked. I wondered if he’d be able to resist. But I feigned innocence. Fuck yes I want help.

I nodded and held up my injured hand on a limp wrist, pouting my lower lip. “Sympathy for the cripple?”

Hunger flickered in his eyes as he edged into the bathroom with me. “Something like that. Arms up. Turn around.”

 _Something like that._ I did what he commanded and turned away with my arms stretched above me. Ben took a deep breath and pinched the hem of my shirt in his fingertips, then slowly brought it up over my head. He stood maybe a foot behind me, and I felt him move closer when the shirt reached my chest.

His nose brushed my hair and he took a deep breath again, this time through his mouth. I closed my eyes and subtly arched back towards him. Please grab me and throw me on your fucking bed.

But he pulled off my shirt without saying a word, except to mutter ‘see you in a bit’ as he left the bathroom. I shivered when he was gone, arms folded over my chest. My throat itched.

I managed to worm my way into his shirt and pants, which just made the blossoming urges even worse. They smelled like him, suffusing me in the scent that already drove me crazy. I lifted the shirt at my stomach to take deep breaths from it and curled my toes on the cool tile. Ben.

When I emerged from the bathroom, I felt buzzed. He was leaning on the opposite wall and smiled when he saw me. I rubbed my hands on my thighs.

 “You can use the bed,” he offered. “I’ll sleep on the couch downstairs. I have the splint in the bedroom, so we’ll do that first.”

I nodded tersely. I was afraid to open my mouth.

Ben led me to his bed with gray sheets and gestured for me to sit. Trembling, I pulled myself up with my legs dangling over the edge, and he stood right in front of me. I stared at the protruding muscles in his forearms as he adjusted the splint. Now I wanted to lick him.

He gently placed the splint on my left ring finger and tightened the band. “This should help. I left ibuprofen and a bottle of water to bring the swelling down.” His dark eyes flickered to mine. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

All I did was nod. Ben stood between my knees, clasping my wrist in a big hand, close enough for me to grab and kiss. But it was wildly inappropriate and he was too old and I was too young. I couldn’t put him in that position.

He drew away and left me alone in his bedroom. Everything smelled like him and I could hardly stand it.

I waited all of two minutes before crawling under the covers and cocooning myself in them. The scent drove me insane and I buried my face in his pillows while a hand crept into my panties. I was safe here. An Alpha male was just downstairs and that turned me on beyond belief.

Wetness already pooled between my thighs. I bit down on Ben’s pillow and thrusted eagerly on my fingers, coming apart with a strong orgasm within a couple moments. But my body wanted more; it clenched around emptiness and yearned for _him._ I pushed two fingers inside myself and rubbed the heel of my palm on my clit, whimpering and chewing his pillow. Fuck, fuck…

The bed creaked and I knew it. A depraved part of me hoped he was listening and doing the same thing downstairs. I kept going past my second climax, soaking my hand and borrowed pants in slick, and practically drooling on the pillow. I was a woman possessed.

Other urges popped up while I masturbated in my teacher’s bed. I wanted… soft things. I had to have them. I had to surround myself with them and go  somewhere safe.

Frantic, I scrambled out of bed and peeled the sheets off. My limbs trembled as I crept to Ben’s closet and flung open the door to arrange my nest. I’d read about the urge to nest before, but I didn’t get it until now. I really _was_ an Omega.

I cleared the floor, pulling out boots and shoes, and crept inside with a soft hum in my throat. Pleasure buzzed through me while I stretched out the sheet with long, slow movements, eyes lidded. This felt good. This was right. All I needed were a couple more pillows and blankets.

 “Redecorating?”

Delirious, I raised my head to find Ben standing over me with his arms crossed. He smiled faintly at my blank stare and peered inside the closet. His face looked calm, but the tightness in his jaw betrayed him. I wondered if he knew what I’d been doing in his bed.

I swallowed hard, humiliated. “I—I’m so sorry…” Tears welled up in my eyes and I shrank into the corner, clutching my head. “I don’t know what’s happening to me!”

His dark eyes swept across my handiwork and his throat bobbed. “It’s okay, little one. How can I help you?”

My pulse roared in my ears. I shivered miserably, awash with warmth and cold at the same time. Ben shrugged off the door frame and left me for a minute, but came back with more blankets and pillows. One gray blanket felt extremely heavy and had huge crochet work, like it was made with a giant set of hooks. I snatched it from his hands and draped it over my back with a pleased sigh.

He crouched at the door and set the other things inside for me. “The blanket is weighted so it should help you relax. Do you want my help, or would you prefer to nest on your own?”

 _Nest._ Like an animal. I folded over my legs and moaned.

 “I don’t want to go to a camp,” I whispered from my blanket.

 “You’re not going to a camp.” Ben lifted the front of the blanket to look into my eyes. “You’re staying here until this is over, where you’ll be safe. I’ll take care of you.”

My lower lip trembled. “…Are you sure?”

 “Yes. I won’t let them hurt you.” He sat down gingerly, like he was afraid I’d run away. “That’s why I warned you about Hux and Phasma. They took me for re-education and I knew they came back to take you.”

 “I watched YouTube videos about it. Some Alpha named Poe Dameron showed off a bunch of scars and said they… whip you?”

 “Poe went to Sundance with me.” Ben turned up his pale forearms to show me the pinkish scars there. “And yes, they do—amongst other things. I won’t regale you with the details, but it’s a horrific place and I have no intentions of letting you suffer it.”

My heart swelled with gratitude and it poured right out of my eyes in another ugly crying jag. I groped for his lap and tried pulling myself into it, blubbering my thank yous over and over again. He stiffened and fell back on his palms, stammering as I nuzzled my nose under his jaw. A low groan rumbled in his chest and he pushed me off, then quickly wrapped me in the heavy blanket.

His eyes were wide; maybe a little anxious. “I’ll get you some ice water and a hot pack for the cramps.”

Then he left the room in a hurry. I whimpered pitifully and curled into the thick blanket, comforted by the pressure. It took some of the edge off. I wanted _something_ heavy pinning me down or curled up next to me. I also really wanted to get off again.

But I was so embarrassed by Ben catching me in his closet that I didn’t bother trying. I shuddered and gritted my teeth, praying the whole thing would be over soon. I hadn’t picked up on any pheromones from him; maybe because I was  overwhelmed by everything else. That had to be a good sign.

He came back a while later with what he’d promised. I pushed the hot pack in my cocoon between my hip bones and breathed a sigh of relief. Much better. The cramping went down and I took a sip of ice water, which helped the feverish sensation. Ben hung near the door, watching silently. He scratched his jaw.

 “The implant makes it worse,” he mumbled, eyes riveted on my hand moving under the blanket. “It confuses your body. I’m going to take it out and insert a dummy like mine.”

 “‘Kay.” My eyes fluttered shut. “Issit gonna hurt?”

 “…A little bit,” he admitted. “But we don’t have to do it right this second. Try to get some rest.”

I nodded groggily. “Mmkay. Thank you, Alpha.”

It slipped out without me noticing. Ben stared at me for another moment before shutting the door.

That might’ve been the best sleep of my life: wrapped in a weighted blanket with a hot pack on my crampy uterus and a cold glass of water beside me. The closet was dark and silent and just the right temperature for sleeping. I had nice dreams about Ben taking care of me and cuddling and shit.

At some point I woke up and made a weird wailing sound when I realized I’d run out of water. The door opened in ten seconds flat and Ben knelt next to me, brushing my hair from my face.

 “What’s wrong?” he cooed. “What do you need?” I sniffled and glanced at my empty cup. He laughed and raised his eyebrows. “That’s what you were caterwauling about? Naughty. I’ll be back.”

He took the glass and slipped out. I stared at the muscles flexing in his broad back under his black T-shirt. I licked my lips.

I’d never been doted on like this before. Mom would leave me to fend for myself when I was sick or hungry, and Unkar was too depressed after his camp visit to do much for anyone. I’d grown accustomed to figuring my own shit out and clawing my way to what I needed, not having someone fawn all over me.

Ben returned with another glass of water. I sat up to accept it and took a long gulp, both hands clutching the cup. Some drooled down my chin and I wiped it off with the back of my hand, smacking my lips.

He sank to the floor and sat cross-legged, long arms draped in his lap. “You know… it’s been a long time since I helped an Omega through heat.” He scratched the back of his head, avoiding my eyes. “I’ve certainly never done it with blankets and ice water.”

Instinct called. I set down my water and began rearranging the soft odds and ends Ben brought me. I worked mechanically, eyes half open.

 “Mom would always find an Alpha to knot her,” I said tonelessly. I looked over at Ben. “Are you going to do that to me?”

 “No, Rey. I’m not.” He watched me, lips pressed together in a firm line. “And it’s done _with_ you, not _to_ you.”

I snorted. “Sure looked like they were doing it _to_ my mom.”

We slipped into silence. Ben’s dark eyes scanned my movements around the closet while I arranged everything to my liking. He rested his chin on his palm and soon his eyes were fluttering shut, too. Both of us were exhausted.

I crawled into my new small nest with my heavy blanket draped over me. Ben leaned over to set my glass nearby and hesitated before patting my shoulder.

 “Goodnight, little one,” he murmured.

I yawned and licked my lips. When I looked at him, he was staring at me through the darkness, eyes wide and hungry. I smiled faintly at the sight.

 “Can you do that thing to my wrist, please?” I mumbled.

Ben blinked, then nodded fast. “Sure. Of course.” He crawled into the closet and laid down two feet away from my pillow fortress.

I lifted my blanket to allow his hand inside the warmth and he gently grasped my wrist in three fingers. He stroked with his index finger and I shivered with pleasure, squirming under the blanket. Ben swallowed hard enough for me to hear it.

 “Night,” I yawned again.

 “Goodnight, Rey.”


	8. A captive no longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to be gone for two days; staying in the north rim in the grand canyon and there's no service obviously
> 
> updated ze tags btw for the next chapter :))))

 “ _You_ were the last person the girl was seen with, Mister Solo.”

I woke in a daze, alone in my nest and swaddled in blankets. A plate of fruit and cheese was set right next to me, along with another glass of water. Instinct told me to call out to Ben, but thankfully, I suppressed it at the sound of Hux’s voice.

They were downstairs. I scrambled out of my cocoon, heart racing, and looked around the closet for somewhere better to hide. They’d come upstairs looking for me and if I was presenting, they knew I’d be in the closet.

 “Fuck,” I hissed.

I glanced up and noticed a pull cord that led into the attic. It was my only hope of escape.

Trembling, I yanked the cord to let down the ladder and hastily gathered my nesting materials, chucking them into the darkness above without a second glance. My instincts screamed all the while, furious that I destroyed the nest. I threw the plate of snacks and the glass into the attic just to be safe.

I heard Ben speaking in a calm, deep voice to the agents, but feet started moving anyway. Fuck, fuck, _fuck!_ I grabbed the ladder with slippery hands, then tore off the outer pull cord so the agents wouldn’t even know there was an attic.

Feet clomped on the stairs. Ben spoke louder, clearly trying to wake me, but I was way ahead of him. I clambered up into the attic and yanked the ladder back into the ceiling, trapping myself in musty darkness.

The bedroom door creaked open. “Do you have any idea where she would go?” Phasma.

 “No. I saw bruises on her arm at school and went to investigate.” Ben. “Her uncle was in the midst of beating her when I arrived, and I brought the dog to the vet with her. We parted ways after.”

 “You parted ways with an Omega in her first heat?” Hux echoed, amused. “I find that hard to believe. Didn’t get your knot wet first, Solo?”

 “I have no interest in seventeen-year-olds. I’m a teacher.”

Hux laughed and the closet door opened next. “Primarily, though, you’re a wild animal. I wouldn’t blame you for giving her a go—she had a sweet face and graceful little limbs. Easy enough for you to pin her down and mount her like a bitch.”

My spine prickled. Ben didn’t respond to Hux’s goading and remained silent while they swept through the closet. I held my breath.

 “Did she seem to be in heat?” Phasma asked after a long silence. “We assumed she skipped school because of it. Her uncle said she’s been acting strangely.”

 “Her uncle is also an alcoholic and non-compliant Alpha,” Ben said coolly. “He broke a dog’s leg in half and abuses his niece. Why would you believe a word he says?”

Abuse? I chewed the inside of my cheek. Unkar was an asshole, but I wouldn’t have called it abuse. Maybe I was just being too easy on him like I always was with mom. I’d excuse every bad behavior away just so they wouldn’t leave me.

 “You should’ve called us if you suspected domestic abuse.” Hux huffed, irritated. “Regardless, she isn’t here. We’ll follow up when she returns to school and see where she ran off to. For now, we’re assuming she’s a non-compliant Omega, which makes her a fugitive.”

 “I agree,” Ben replied. “I’ll keep an eye out.”

Phasma spoke in a sharp, cold tone. “See to it that you do.”

He walked them out of the house. I waited until I heard their car on the gravel driveway before breathing normally again. My whole body quivered with fear, forgetting the woes of heat for just a few minutes. Safe—for now.

The ladder opened and I saw Ben’s pale face smiling at me from the closet. He’d dressed in jeans and a maroon sweater and opened his arms to me while I stared at him, trembling. I felt frozen. What if they came back?

He tilted his hands, beckoning me. “Pass me the blankets?”

I swallowed hard and managed to hand off the blankets through the trap door first, followed by the pillows. Ben took each one and set them in a pile for me to reconstruct the nest. I didn’t feel like myself—I was all jittery and nervous; unsure, even though I never was. I wanted my nest back, and my heavy blanket.

Ben offered me a hand without saying a word. My gaze flickered between his eyes and hand, calculating the risk. Would he take advantage of me? I kind of had nowhere else to go.

I hesitated, but outstretched my own shaking hand and took his. He helped pull me out of the attic and twirled me once through the air in his arms before setting me on my feet. I teetered and grabbed the front of his shirt to keep from falling over and Ben craned his neck to nose along the crown of my head. He snatched a fistful of my shirt near my hip and groaned, other arm curled around my waist.

 “Let me help you remake it,” he whispered. “Please?”

I shrugged and nodded, too busy breathing in his scent to care. Nothing mattered to me—not college, or high school, or smelling up my teacher—just obeying the command of a small, shrieking part of my brain. He tightened his arm around me, restraining me to his broad chest, and huffed into my hair.

 “Tell me you want my help.” Ben took a lurching step and his lips wandered to my ear. “Call me Alpha.” His hard body pressed me into the wall, nose wandering lower to my neck. “Please—I need to hear it.  It’s—it’s been so long—”

 “I need you, Alpha,” I mumbled. I nuzzled his shoulder, drunk on his scent. “Please help me?”

His lips hovered near my throat and it itched like crazy. I yanked on his shirt, hoping he’d bite me just under my jaw, where the throbbing itch was the worst. Instead, he cupped my neck in one big hand and gently rubbed his thumb over the spot. He took a shaky breath and shushed me when I whimpered, squirming on the wall.

Tears trickled down my cheeks. “It’s so _itchy._ ”

 “I know, little one. I know.” Ben leaned back to watch me clutching his wrist with both hands. His dark eyes were hazy like mine. “Let’s fix your nest, hm?”

I nodded, on the brink of sobbing from frustration. He guided me down to the floor, still standing above me, and watched as I pulled the bedsheet from the pile first. He helped fix it in the corners and moved some blankets around wherever I wanted them. The closet was way too small for him but he did his best to move where I asked.

We finished a while later with everything precisely where it needed to be. I patted a pillow on my hands and knees, humming in my throat, then felt Ben come up behind me. My elbows bent without me consciously moving them and I bent my upper half towards the floor until I was on my knees with my ass in the air. Very appealing.

He crept across my back and planted his hands on either side of my head. My instincts knew what would happen next: he’d pull down my pants and fuck me. We finished the nest so I had a safe place to sleep and wait for his seed to take root.

Ben nuzzled the back of my head. “I haven’t felt like myself in years, Rey.” His voice cracked but he recovered back to his deep, calm tone. “They took everything from me—I won’t let them take you, too.”

I pushed my hips back, trying to tempt him, but he slipped away from me in the next moment. No—no! I panicked, afraid that I did something wrong to make him reject me. He was supposed to stay and—he was _supposed to stay!_

Whimpering, I crawled out of the closet and stumbled after Ben to beg him to come back. But we met at the bedroom door and he had a black pencil case in one hand and clear square box marked ‘STERILE’ in the other. He smiled and took my hand to lead me back to the closet.

 “I’m going to take the implant out,” he said, guiding me to the floor. He unzipped the bag and snapped on a pair of vinyl purple gloves. “I have to make an incision where it was originally placed, or they’ll know it’s been tampered with.”

 “Did I do something wrong?” I bleated, allowing him to pull me between his legs. I leaned on his chest, but quickly turned to look up at him, seriously fucking worried that I’d offended him. “Aren’t—aren’t we supposed to…?”

Ben unzipped the pencil case and withdrew a scalpel and a few other supplies. He avoided my eyes as he grasped my arm and twisted the lump into view. He wiped the spot with an alcohol wipe and picked out a thin, inch-long rod from the ‘STERILE’ box, which he set on the wipe.

 “You’re too young,” he said tersely, “and very few people share my… tastes. I don’t want to hurt you. And you’re my student—and you’re in the middle of heat, so you’re not thinking straight—and I’m a psychiatrist, so I know I’ll just be taking advantage and causing irreparable psychological harm.”

I blinked up at him slowly. “…So I didn’t do anything wrong?”

 “No, Rey, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He curled an arm under mine to hold it in place and pinned my legs down with his. “I’m the one in the wrong here.”

Before I could ask about that, he pinched the implant and made a quick slice near the front edge. I squealed more from shock than pain and he shushed me, chin hooked over my shoulder as he worked the thing out from under my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut and hissed as the new one went in with a sharp sting. My legs wanted to kick but Ben had them well pinned to the floor.

I squinted to watch him put a piece of gauze over the incision and secure it with paper tape. He peeled off the gloves and showed me the bloody implant with his chin resting on my shoulder.

 “A captive no longer,” he murmured. He bent and snapped the thing in half with two fingers. “It’s going to take your body a few weeks to bounce back, but you’ll re-cycle and regulate. I have suppressants if you want them, which is a much more natural way to control heat and pregnancy.”

My spine prickled. Had he done this before with another Omega? He seemed awfully… prepared. I mean, he had a go-bag to take out the implant and did it pretty quick.

 “…Have you done this before?” I asked, shifting my legs under Ben’s.

 “Yes,” he replied without missing a beat. “I helped Poe for a few months after we left Sundance. We’d remove implants from anyone who asked. After that I decided I’d be better off following the rules, though I never put my real implant back.”

I turned a bit to look up at him, cocking my head. “Isn’t this against the rules?” His throat bobbed and he nodded once. “…Am I going to be able to go back to school here?”

 “I think so. We have to wait for the heat to end and your wound to heal over.” Ben brushed my hair from my forehead with two fingers, avoiding my eyes again. “I’ll still have to go, just to avoid suspicion. You should stay here.”

Duh. I had nowhere else to go. I bit my lower lip and nodded, then nuzzled under his chin. He curled his arm over mine to stroke my wrist and I curved closer to his hard chest.

We were quiet for a while. Removing the implant already seemed to be helping: my head was clearer and I didn’t have an overwhelming urge to jump Ben. Reality slowly crept in my head and heat flooded my cheeks. Oh god. He’d been all over me—I was sitting between his _legs._ He could probably tell I’d been masturbating in his bed and maybe he could smell it on the sheets.

I drew away from Ben, struggling to control my immediate instinct to panic. He let go without hesitation and watched me turn around to face him until I leaned on the wall. I covered my face and groaned into my palms. 

 “Oh my god.” I bent over, humiliated. “Oh _god._ ”

 “Welcome back, Rey.” He stood and left the closet, calling back to me. “I washed your clothes, but with the agents sniffing around, it’s probably not good to go visit Daisy. Get dressed and I’ll make you something for lunch.”

I looked around the nest in horror and felt sick to my stomach. Holy shit—this man was my teacher and fifteen years older than me and I was alone with him in his fucking house! My fingers itched for me to text Rose but I knew I couldn’t risk it. My blush flooded to my ears and I figured I’d just die of embarrassment right then and there.

_They took everything from me—I won’t let them take you, too._

I—I wasn’t _his!_ Anger flickered in my gut, but more humiliation washed it over. I asked him why he wouldn’t fuck me, and he totally… mounted me at one point. And pushed me into the wall. And rubbed the itchy spot on my neck.

_Call me Alpha._

Oh, Jesus Christ. I scrambled out of the closet and teetered to my feet in his bedroom, panting and mortified, and saw a pillow next to the closet. He slept there all night waiting for me to call him. He called me _naughty._ What the actual fuck was I doing here? He hated me. We couldn’t stand being around each other.

I looked down at his clothes draped loosely on my thin frame and peeled off the pants in a heartbeat. They had soaked through with slick, as had my panties, and I could feel it sticky on my thighs. I grabbed my clean clothes off his stripped bed and rushed down the hallway to the bathroom.

A shower helped me get a grip. I washed off the sweat and slick and shivered under the warm spray of water. Okay. I had to stay here. Uncle Unkar broke Daisy’s leg and also sprained my finger, so I wasn’t going back there. Ben wouldn’t rat me out, but he was also an Alpha male and I was an Omega female. Thank god he didn’t take advantage. Maybe I could trust him.

I finished my business in the bathroom and dressed in my clean clothes from yesterday. When I opened the door, still trying to stay calm, I bumped right into Ben’s maroon sweater.

He didn’t budge. Of course he didn’t. He was about six feet and some change tall and built like a fucking house. His dark eyes assessed my wet hair and he smiled faintly.

 “This is why I always obtain consent before heat starts. Life lesson for the future when men try to take advantage of you.”

I curled my toes on the cold hardwood, avoiding his penetrating stare. “I seem to remember you on my back.”

 “…I know. I apologize.” His hand entered my field of vision, reaching out to touch my inner wrist. “It’s been so long… I just wanted a taste of how things used to be.”

 “Well I don’t!” I snapped, swatting his hand away. I pushed past him and scurried down the stairs. “I don’t want to be an Omega and I don’t want to hide! I’m not going to turn into my mother!”

Ben followed close behind. “Rey, I know you’re scared right now—”

Yeah, I was fucking terrified! I whirled around to face him with my index finger out and met the broad expanse of his chest. Miffed, I took a sharp step back and readjusted my accusatory pointer finger to his face.

 “Are you trying to live out some fantasy with me?!” I demanded. “Because—because I’m not doing that! I don’t want any part of this!”

He held up his hands, eyebrows raised. “I’m just trying to help you, Rey. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.” His lips wriggled like he was chewing on his words. “I got a little carried away last night. I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t that I hated it, but I was too embarrassed and confused to explore that avenue with Ben right now. I wanted my dog back and I wanted to text Rose and I couldn’t have either of those things. I folded my arms in a huff and looked sassy from him, determined to regain my dignity.

 “Fine,” I grumbled. I glanced up at him. “I threw the plate of cheese in your attic, by the way. I kind of panicked.”

He smiled wryly. “It’s a good thing you did, or I would’ve had to explain why I had a plate of fruit and cheese in my closet. Have a seat—I’ll be back soon to make you lunch.”

I watched him walk up the stairs before I took a seat at the kitchen table. Fine. I could eat.


	9. Oh, the things I could do with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't even real bdsm  
> the slowburn continues

The weekend went by without a hitch.

Ben went to pick up Daisy on Monday morning before he left for work and she almost broke her leg again when she saw me. I got her settled on the couch and beamed from the doorway, pleased that I had my best friend back.

I peered up at Ben. He’d given me space over the weekend while I Googled all kinds of stuff about Omegas and heat. He gave me some suppressants to start that would help control the cycles or stop them completely, and I felt… different. Calmer. I used to hate being babied and given charity, but now I liked it a bit.

He was dressed and ready to teach with his glasses perched on his nose and a gray cable-knit sweater. I frowned at a piece of fuzz on his bicep and plucked it off. He glanced down, wetting his lips, and I was almost close enough to—

 “Thank you,” he murmured. “Wouldn’t want to look slovenly at school.” He eyed Daisy for another minute, then sighed and walked off. “Well, I’ll be back later. I’m going to swing by your house to pick up some clothes and mail.”

I peeled myself away from Daisy to turn and frown at Ben. “With Unkar there?”

He cast me a sideways glance at the door as he slipped into his black coat. “I’m sure he’ll be otherwise occupied with drinking or smoking. Is there anything else you need?”

I shook my head. He buttoned his coat and stared at me from the door, doing that weird wriggling thing with his lips again. I had to wear some of his clothes now, since I only had one outfit, and currently I had a blue plaid shirt draped haphazardly over my body. One shoulder slipped off and exposed my whole upper arm.

Ben went to run a hand through his hair before he remembered it was in a half ponytail. His arm dropped back to his side.

I laughed to break the awkward silence. “Aren’t you supposed to kiss me goodbye or something?”

 “May I?” he asked quickly.

I shrugged, blushing. Why not?

Ben closed the space between us in two steps and carefully cupped my cheek in one hand. He stroked my skin with his thumb as he pressed his lips in a gentle kiss to my hairline at the top of my forehead. My heart pounded and I closed my eyes when his knuckles brushed my bare upper arm. Everywhere he touched tingled.

 “I’ll see you after work,” he mumbled, nosing in my hair. He kissed my forehead again, lingering, and I curled my toes. “Be good.”

 “I’m _always_ good.”

He tugged up the sleeve of my shirt as he withdrew. “Fix your clothing, Miss Niima.”

I smirked and rolled my shoulder to make the sleeve slip off again. Ben smiled at me as he turned the door handle, shaking his head.

 “Things like that can get you punished.”

I raised my eyebrows, laughing. “Yeah? What are you going to do, spank me?”

He just smiled as he walked out the door without another word. My heart skipped a beat when the door shut behind him. Oh. Okay.

I spent the rest of the day watching TV with Daisy. She snoozed with her head in my lap, flying high on her pain meds, and had a little wet food for lunch. It was nice to lie around and do nothing for once. I didn’t have to clean up after Ben or make sure he took a shower or make him dinner.

Around noon, he sent me a text.

**Ben:** _How’s Daisy?_

I glanced at her drooling on another pair of sweatpants I borrowed. Beaming, I snapped a picture with my hand petting her cheek and sent it to Ben with ‘ _i think she’s gonna pull thru.’_

**Ben:** _Looks comfy. All the teachers are pooling your homework you’re missing, by the way. I’m bored as hell so I’ve taken the liberty of completing some. Told them I’d give it to you when you ‘return.’ ;-) How’s the sprain?_

I rolled my eyes. _it’s fine—and please don’t help me cheat, s i r_

He took a few minutes to text back. I slipped away from my invalid dog to make something for lunch when my phone buzzed.

**Ben:** _I’ve been breaking all the rules lately, Miss Niima. Do you mind sending me a picture of the sprain? Just so I can check. Doctor._

Oh, I’d send him a picture. I cackled to myself as I scurried upstairs to his bedroom and pushed my sweatpants down. I crawled into the bed, which he’d fitted with new white sheets, and pressed my thighs together with my hand on top. I angled my camera to get my knees and the sheets bunched near my feet, then snapped a picture.

I giggled and sent it off with the caption ‘ _like this????? (:’_ and laid back to keep laughing at how hilarious I was. _That_ would make him uncomfortable.

He took almost an hour to answer with ‘ _Another, please?’_ and my heart leapt in my throat. I bit my lower lip and decided to go with teasing him for a while longer. I felt weird—powerful, like I had command over this huge man with a short temper.

**Me:** _why??? can’t see it? where do you think there’s better lighting????_

**Ben:** _The nest. Please._

I smirked. _well since you said please…….._

**Ben:** _Thank you. Just to make sure the swelling is going down._

Uh huh. I hopped off the bed and sauntered into the closet where my nest lay undisturbed. Ben relocated his boots and whatnot to another part of the house so I didn’t have to take it apart.

I crawled inside and kicked off the sweatpants completely. The plaid shirt swung down past my thighs and I knelt in the blankets, resting my weight on my inner thighs with the shirt just covering my crotch. I unbuttoned the first few buttons on the shirt and made sure the shoulder hung off just right. I touched the injured finger to my parted lips and took a picture with my mouth down showing.

Then I sent it off to Ben with a casual ‘ _better?_ ’ and nothing else. I flopped back in my pillows and yawned, pulling the heavy blanket over me. Maybe I’d nap before lunch.

**Ben:** _Looks great_

I just laughed and didn’t respond.

Daisy shared my grilled cheese feast with me for lunch and I managed to get her outside to go to the bathroom. I had to hold her paw so she could keep her balance, like any good dog mother would. She limped her way back inside to the couch and collapsed with a lazy huff.

Rose texted me a few times asking where I was, but I managed to ignore her. I felt awful making her worry. I stress-ate chips on the couch and hoped she’d forgive me some day.

The front door opened around three ‘o clock and I hopped off the couch to meet Ben. Daisy whimpered and I shushed her over my shoulder as I strolled into the kitchen with my shirt still askew. I’d see how he felt about _that._

He walked inside with a light dusting of snow on his shoulders and hair. In one hand he had a letter and in the other, a duffel bag that I assumed had my clothes. I beamed at the sight and trotted up to collect them from him, but Ben turned and started when he saw me.

I jumped, too. “Jesus! Sorry!” Then I laughed and plucked the letter from his fingers. “How was work? Did you get through physics without me?”

I stopped dead. The letter was from Berkeley.

Ben locked the door and cleared his throat. “I collected some clothes for you. I didn’t… linger, but I had to find underwear. Sorry.”

Berkeley was a bit more important than worrying about my teacher seeing my underwear. I ripped open the letter, heart pounding, and scanned the first few lines for the sentence I needed to see.

_Dear Miss Niima,_

_Congratulations! The staff of UC-Berkeley would like to welcome you to the graduating class of…_

I didn’t get any further before I shrieked with joy and danced around the kitchen. Ben dropped the duffel bag just in time to catch me when I jumped on him, flinging my arms around his neck.

 “I’m going to Berkeley!” I squealed. “I’m going to BERKELEY!”

Daisy howled from the living room and I raced out to meet her, forgetting that I never put my sweatpants back on. Her tail wagged a mile a minute while I hugged her over the arm of the couch and screamed into her fur. I was going to fucking _Berkeley!_ I’d be safe in California! All I had to do was finish up high school.

I bounced back upright and hopped around near the couch while Ben watched from the doorframe. He smiled at first but it quickly turned to fear when I threw my arms around his waist and gave him another bear hug. He staggered back, grunting like he was surprised, and I took the opportunity to bury my face in his chest.

 “Thank you,” I sighed, smiling. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

 “Sure, sure. Congratulations, Miss Niima.” His hands hovered above my waist and he cleared his throat. “We should celebrate. What can I make you for dinner?”

I leaned back to look up at him and hooked my fingers on his belt. His throat bobbed.

 “I’ll cook!” I chirped. “I can make these really good chicken and broccoli wrap things. I mean, I can make a meal out of pretty much anything.” I brushed past Ben for the kitchen, still chattering away. “You learn quick when your mother is too busy getting loaded to feed you.”

A gentle tug on the back of my shirt made me turn around. Ben stepped right in front of me so I had to crane my neck to look up at him and he used both hands to fret over the flyaways from my ponytail. He avoided my gaze, focused on the delicate work of taming my wispy hair.

 “Let me,” he said. “Why don’t you go change while I get things ready?”

I cocked my head, feigning innocence. “But you didn’t mind this outfit when I sent you pictures of my horrific injury.”

His pale cheeks flushed pink. “Well—now you should probably change.”

I raised an eyebrow and went back for the belt I’d just let go of. Ben watched me unbuckle it with a quiet clink before I slipped it from the loops and wrapped it around my waist. It was way too big, so I let it hang down near my hips. I crossed my arms and glanced down at my new outfit.

 “How’s this?” I asked.

He huffed, averting his eyes. “Lovely.”

We made dinner together, which became me setting the table and hassling Ben the entire time. I hated sitting around waiting but he insisted that I had to, so I drummed my fingers on the table and itched to text Rose. She’d go nuts if she knew where I was. So would everyone else—but not in a good way.

I wolfed down my chicken parm and kept complimenting it between breathlessly talking about Berkeley. Ben ate slower and took neat bites, listening to my babble like it was the most interesting thing in the world. His gaze would wander to my belt and he’d stare for a bit while nodding along to my chatter.

I gathered the plates when we were done and rinsed them off in the sink to prep for the dishwasher. Daisy snored from the living room.

 “So, should I wait a week before I go back?” I asked. “Unkar won’t be happy, but…”

 “You’re not going back there, Rey.”

Ben reached into a cabinet to withdraw a bottle of white wine that his huge hand engulfed. He didn’t look at me when I raised my eyebrows and put a hand on my hip. Mister Compliant had alcohol in his cabin. Hm.

 “I have to,” I said, eyeing him as he popped the cork. “I’m not eighteen for a few more months.”

 “Unkar and I discussed that.” Ben opened another cabinet and took out two wine glasses. “Amongst other things.”

 “What ‘other things?” I asked with a scowl.

He poured until both glasses were half full and offered me one. I studied him for a moment with my eyes narrowed before I snatched it. I’d been drunk before and I knew I hated white zinfandel.

Ben took a delicate sip of his. “He admitted to me that he could smell your heat and began drinking more to avoid certain… thoughts. It’s better for you to be out of the house in the event he loses control of himself.”

I almost spit out my wine. Oh _god._ Barf. The thought of my uncle coming on to me was enough to bring the chicken parm back up my throat. I gagged and covered my mouth and Ben shrugged.

 “It happens to the best of us,” he murmured into his glass. He took another sip, dark eyes distant. “I learned how to control myself in med school, though I still avoid Omega patients. It’s too instinctual to order them around.”

 “You order me around.”

Ben glanced at me. “You _need_ to be ordered around. You’re disorganized and flighty.”

I scowled and took a big gulp of wine. He was right so I couldn’t argue with him.

We went to the living room and Ben made me watch _Blazing Saddles_ , which I thought would be stupid, but turned out to be hilarious. He sat next to me on the couch with his arm slung across the back and smiled a bit whenever I laughed. Our thighs touched and we had our feet on the coffee table, both at our leisure.

On my second glass of wine and Ben’s third, his arm slipped lower to rest around my shoulders. I leaned my head on his chest, cheeks warming up from the alcohol. He grazed my bare shoulder with his fingertips but didn’t look at me.

On my third glass, I felt bold and stupid. I polished it off and sat up to look at Ben, who’s lidded eyes followed my movement. Snow fell past the window and only the glow of the television let us see each other. He had an interesting profile: all brooding and melancholy, like he’d seen too much in life. But the alcohol gave him a pink flush and I wondered if he’d be be more ‘open.’

My thoughts wandered back to his vague threat of punishment. Thinking about it made me shiver with anticipation, and I never thought I’d like that kind of thing. Of course, I was terrified of pregnancy and hadn’t had sex yet, so…

 “You said something about punishing me earlier,” I blurted.

Ben took another sip of wine but didn’t offer me a glance at the weird outburst. “I did. Do you think I should punish you?”

My heart pounded and I nodded once. “Yes—yes.”

 “Tell me why.”

I shifted my weight on the couch and it creaked. Daisy grunted from her new bed Ben bought her but otherwise didn’t stir.

 “I’m not sure,” I mumbled.

He smiled, finally looking my way, and balanced his wine on his knee. “I can’t punish you if you don’t understand why I’m doing it—then you’ll never learn. Why don’t you hazard a guess? I can think of three reasons.”

Three? I blinked at him and picked through all our interactions that day. Well, one was definitely me not fixing my clothes. The second could be the pictures I sent, and the third… refusing to change for dinner. Those had to be it.

I listed them off one by one, even though it was terribly awkward meeting Ben’s eyes. He nodded along until I reached the end, at which point he sat up straighter and set his feet on the floor, knees apart. He still had his arm over the back of the couch and pushed up his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

 “I suppose I can give you a light punishment.” Ben nodded towards the middle of the room. “Stand up, Rey.”

His voice was calm and cool, but firm. I scrambled off the couch and stood a couple feet in front of him, toes curved over each other. Ben took a casual sip of his wine and eyed me for a straight minute before speaking again.

 “You were instructed to fix your clothes this morning,” he said, cocking his head, “but instead, you decided to take naughty pictures. Is that something a good girl does?”

Oh my god. I shook my head quickly and rubbed my toes together, excited and nervous. “No.”

 “No what, Miss Niima?” he prompted.

My dream flickered back to me. I wrung my hands.

 “No… sir?”

 “Very good.” Ben gestured vaguely with his glass of wine and took a sip before speaking. “Kneel. Legs apart.” He raised an eyebrow, smiling into his glass, dark eyes riveted on me. “Like the picture.”

I did so on the cold floor, assuming the same position from the nest that I sent him a picture of. My heart pounded, palms clammy with sweat, but he changed the TV channel before he addressed me again. It was ridiculously hot; not just because of the alcohol making me bolder. _Tell me what to do, please, because I have no fucking clue._

But he didn’t say anything for a long time. He kept drinking his wine until he ran out, then went and got another glass. I didn’t move, assuming I wasn’t supposed to, and wiped my palms on my thighs.

When he came back, he circled to me and murmured ‘open.’ I parted my lips and he grasped my jaw to pour some of the wine in my mouth; just enough for a big gulp. My pulse thrummed in my ears while I swallowed and he brushed his thumb across my lips to wipe away the excess.

He gazed down at me and took his own sip. “I’d like my belt back. Put it on.”

I opened the buckle around my waist with frantic fingers and loosened the belt. Ben idly watched TV while I slipped it through the loops on his pants, quivering, and managed to get it hooked back in place.

He brushed my hair back with one big hand and offered me another mouthful of wine, which I accepted with my eyes closed. He pressed his thumb along my lips again to collect the excess and licked it off, gazing down at me.

 “You should be careful of drinking alcohol, Rey,” Ben murmured. “Men will take advantage of you.” He traced the bowstring of my lip with the tip of his thumb and licked his lips. “They’ll try, at least. I won’t let them.”

He motioned for me to come and I crawled behind him on my hands and knees to the couch. He sat down the same way as before and I knew to kneel between his calves, facing the TV. Butterflies flew around in my stomach and I worried I was going into heat again. I glanced down at his shiny black shoes and wondered—

 “I know what you did in my bed Friday night.”

The butterflies practically burst into flame. I stiffened and flushed— _fuck!_ Ugh! How goddamn humiliating!

Ben leaned over me, brushing his knuckles along my bare shoulder. “Did it feel good?” I swallowed hard, but nodded. “I could tell. I heard you whimpering and smelled the slick.” He nuzzled my temple, lowering his voice to a whisper. “I thought about it at work this morning—after you sent me those pictures.”

His hands descended to my front to unbutton my shirt. “Let’s take this off—since you can’t seem to wear it properly.”

 “Y-yes sir,” I stammered. I was about ready to burst into flames like the butterflies in my gut. “Um… I don’t have a bra on.”

He smiled into my hair. I felt his lips move.

 “I know.”

He opened the shirt in a minute flat and I moved my arms to let him take it off. He set it aside while I shivered anxiously, jumping when I felt his breath on my shoulder. He gently shushed me.

 “What do you think I did with those thoughts?” he whispered, tracing a fingertip across the bone of my shoulder.

My lower lip quivered. “Ignored them?”

Ben trailed a tingling line down my entire arm and back up again. “Not quite, little one.” He breathed on the crown of my head and I thought I felt him kiss me. “Do you like being told what to do, Rey?”

 “…Yes,” I admitted.

He cupped my jaw from behind, sighing. “Oh, the things I could do with you.”

Then he leaned back and didn’t say anything else. I waited for the next command, but he watched TV and occasionally ran his long fingers through my hair. I would sometimes squirm because of my constant urge to move and Ben would snap ‘stay still’ and I’d stop. I didn’t know why, but I _liked_ him telling me what to do. To a degree—we were fooling around. If he tried to tell me where to live or something, we’d have a problem.

He finally rose around ten and pointed to the dog bed, which Daisy had abandoned. I frowned up at him and glanced at it. What?

 “Get on your hands and knees,” he instructed, “and crawl to the bed. You can sleep there tonight.”

 “…On the dog bed?”

 “Yes, kitten. Now.”

I dropped forward on my palms, avoiding my hurt finger, and did what he commanded. Ben watched all the way to the bed, where I curled up in a ball and blinked back at him. He finished his last glass of wine and dangled the goblet from his fingertips.

 “Do you understand what you did wrong?” he asked in a soft voice, sauntering closer with his head tilted.

 “I should’ve fixed my shirt, and I shouldn’t have sent those pictures, and I should’ve changed for dinner.” I bit my lower lip, peering through my lashes. “I’m sorry, sir.”

 “Very good.” Ben snapped his fingers and motioned up, so I got on my knees. He kissed my forehead, lingering again, then backed away. “Goodnight, Rey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

After he left, I couldn’t stop grinning.


	10. Is that my underwear?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's ur smut

The snow fell heavier than usual that night. I woke up around five in the morning on the dog bed, naked and shivering, and checked the news report on TV. School was closed, which meant Ben would be home for the day. I stood in front of the flickering TV in the dark living room, and a tremble of excitement went through me.

Daisy opened one eye to watch me walk upstairs. He’d taken my clothes with him at some point so I had no choice but to go naked. I walked past the bathroom, down the hall to the bedroom where I’d slept the night before. The bed creaked and my heart stuttered at guttural groaning. It made the Alpha scent in the air even headier than usual, drawing me in like a moth to the flame.

 “This isn’t happening—this isn’t happening.”

I could hear Ben on the other side of the door. He huffed like he was out of breath and hissed through his teeth. My lips parted, tasting him on the roof of my mouth, and I knew what was happening. I took a step back from the door.

He groaned and it twisted into a growl. “Fuck!” Rhythmic, wet clicking joined in with his fast breathing. “Oh—Rey—”

It gave me a sense of pleasure knowing he was jerking off thinking about me. Part of me wanted to hang around and listen, but the other part knew I should put some distance between us. I heard his breath catch and a much different groan, low and slow. He was… coming?

Nervous, I tiptoed back downstairs to the dog bed to go to sleep. Ben would wake up and figure out school was canceled on his own.

It didn’t take long for me to wake up _again_ , this time glistening with sweat. I knew what was happening the moment I opened my eyes and I groaned. Ben warned me my hormones would be unstable for a while. My gut felt heavy and when I slipped a hand between my legs, my fingers came back dripping slick. I whined into the dog bed.

Daisy raised her head to watch me walk upstairs. I stumbled a bit, unsteady and dizzy, and had to crawl up the stairs on all fours. My instincts dragged me toward the nest where I would presumably be safe. They kicked into overdrive when I picked up Ben’s vague scent.

I swayed through the bedroom door without a moment’s hesitation. Ben was fast asleep on his stomach in bed, huge arms curled under his pillow. His bare back had long scars across it just like Poe Dameron’s and I couldn’t help but stare.

Shivering, I crept to the side of the bed and slipped under the sheets beside him. The warmth was nice, but being so close to an Alpha male satisfied me in a different way. Ben stirred when I whimpered and brushed my fingertips across his ribcage, struggling closer. Help me, help me…

One dark eye opened. He smiled at first, yawning into the pillow, then his other eye snapped open and he jerked back.

 “Rey!” Ben sat up and I saw he had my panties looped around his wrist like a bracelet.

 “No school,” I mumbled. I rubbed my thighs together and whined again. “Please, Alpha—help.”

His broad chest heaved and he stared down at me through the darkness. Come on… I just wanted him to knot me. Was that so much to ask?!

My teacher turned away for a minute to get something out of the nightstand drawer. I blearily watched him fumbling to open a box, which I hoped for a minute was condoms, but out came something long and thick. Ben trembled and glanced at me while he opened the bottom.

 “Shouldn’t have even bought this fucking thing,” he muttered, shaking his head. He swallowed and took a shaky breath. “You’re just helping, Solo. Strictly medical.”

 “Is that my underwear?” I giggled.

He hastily unwound them from his wrist and I kept giggling, especially when I saw suspicious stains on them. Ben clicked a button and I heard a low buzzing sound like a toothbrush. He peeled back the sheets and turned the thing off.

 “Go to your nest, little one,” he cooed. “I’ll help you.”

Thank god. I hummed and slipped out of bed, dropping to my knees to crawl into the closet. Ben followed with just his gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips and closed the door most of the way behind us. A chill hung in the air. I wanted to be under the blankets with him again.

My body repositioned itself, ass up. Ben smiled at me, gaze raking across the arch of my back, and tapped the vibrator on his palm. I wasn’t a moron; I knew what it was. I licked my lips.

 “I see you have a favorite position,” he murmured. He circled behind me and got down on his knees. The fabric of his sweatpants brushed the back of my thighs. “Do like submitting to me?”

I nodded, squirming. “Yes sir.”

Ben’s fingers alighted on my hips like he was afraid I would break. He yanked back, dragging me closer to his groin, and cupped his hands on my ass. He leaned across my back to whisper in my ear. I felt his erection press against my wet entrance.

 “You like when I mount you like this?” The vibrator buzzed and touched between my breasts.

 “Yes—yes!” I nodded and pushed on his cock, yearning for more. My mouth moved on it’s own. “I want pups. I want pups.”

 “Do you?” Ben mused. He drew the blunt tip of the vibrator across my stomach, rubbing just under my belly button. “From who? Me?”

I clenched the sheets in my fists and nodded desperately. “Yes, Alpha—please?”

He dipped the head of the vibrator lower, nudging my clit, and I bucked my hips against it. Ben looped an arm under my stomach and swore into my hair. Warm, sweet pleasure pulsed between my thighs and I panted into the pillows, rubbing against the ticklish vibrations. _Fuck._

Ben circled the vibrator and nuzzled into my temple. “You want to have your teacher’s babies? Hm? Want me to knock you up?”

 “Yes,” I moaned, cheek rubbing on the pillow, “yes… yes…”

His breathing picked up. “Will you wear one of those pretty little dresses for me? With—with the white shoes?” Ben groaned and outright rutted against my ass, squeezing around my stomach. “I fucking love those things.”

I smiled a little. “You do?”

 “ _Fuck_ yes. You look so sweet.” He sloppily kissed my shoulder, paused, then kept going with a pained sound. “I remember every fucking thing you wear; _everything._ I sit there and go over all the ways I can rip your clothes off.”

The thought of that brought me right to the brink. I reached for the vibrator and clasped my hand over Ben’s to angle it further down so it teased my entrance. He breathed in hot puffs on my shoulder, alternating sucking on my skin and kissing it desperately. My chin tilted to give him access to the throbbing gland under my jaw.

Ben’s lips parted over the spot. “So close already.” He traced the tip of his tongue along the protrusion and readjusted his fingers on the vibrator. “But you’re going to come back to me for more, aren’t you?”

I nodded, eyes lidded. Fuck yes I would.

He shifted his hips closer and took a few sharp breaths near my gland. “I’ll take care of you. You can wear all the pretty dresses you want.”

 “Okay,” I panted, more concerned with coming. My eyelids fluttered as he kissed the itchy spot. “Ah—please—it’s so _itchy_.”

 “I know, little one.” Ben swallowed hard and pressed his tongue flat against it, licking once. His heart pounded on my back. “I know. I can’t help you.” He took two breaths before enveloping the gland between his lips and gently sucking it into his warm mouth.

Fuzzy heat emanated from the spot like slipping into a bubble bath. I gasped softly, surprised for a moment, but my tense muscles unwound in the next second as if I’d been tied up on strings. Ben threw aside the vibrator for his fingers, knitting them through mine, and thrusted faster, grunting. I made a happy mewling sound like a purr.

 “ _Mine_ ,” Ben snarled.

He slapped his hand down over the top of mine and squeezed until my fingers arched. I felt his teeth tentatively grasp the gland before he violently bit down.

Pain jolted up my neck and down my spine. Ben held on while I kicked my feet and finally climaxed on his fingers, pushing them inside me to clench onto _something._ They slid in through the slick and he came moments later with a huffing, guttural growls. I felt him rub his cock right on my entrance where four of our fingers were stretching me. We were so close—but not quite there.

I ground my hips on the heel of his palm as the pleasure fluttered through me. The pressure tightened in my gut, then ebbed away with each throb of my orgasm. Holy _shit._ I’d never felt anything like it before.

 “ _Fuck!_ ” Ben spat, breaking away from my neck. “Fuck, Rey!”

I’d made some sort of screaming, whimpering noise while I came. Now I was coming down, heaving for air and aware of something wet running down my throat. Ben hovered above me with trembling arms, breathing on the back of my head, groaning. He swore over and over.

I touched my neck. Blood coated my fingertips.

 “I’m so sorry,” Ben panted. “I’m so sorry.”

Normally I would’ve freaked out, but I was in heat and post-orgasm, so I just smiled sleepily and laid flat. Ben licked the bleeding spot and kept apologizing under his breath. I giggled when it tickled and he nuzzled my temple and licked his fingers clean. He hovered over me the whole time and licked my hand when he was done with his.

The itching stopped. I felt buzzed—calm and drowsy, like I just took a Benadryl. Ha: _Ben_ adryl.

Ben flopped down beside me. He drew me into his arms before I could even ask and pulled a nearby blanket over us. I curled against his warm chest and under his chin, humming contently. We slipped into silence.

 “This is arguably worse than sex,” Ben croaked. His throat bobbed. “Do you feel better?”

 “Mhm. Sleepy.”

 “Good. Good.” He kissed the top of my head and sighed into it. “I’m sorry, Rey. Or, I should be sorry. But I’m… I’m so happy.” He slid to my eye level and kissed the tip of my nose. “Are you hungry?”

I shrugged, yawning. “Not yet.”

Ben pulled me closer and dipped his lips to the gland again. He murmured to me, kissing the spot a few times, then parted his lips and sucked gently. I kept my hands clasped together in front of his bare chest and drifted off to sleep. I was safe and warm and that was all I wanted.

…Until I woke up a while later.

The pressure came back, heavy and insistent, and I whined. I rolled over in the pillows and started masturbating without a second thought, desperate to make the tension go away. I had no idea where Ben was and I couldn’t wait for him.

 “Rey.”

Speak of the devil. He stood in the doorway, now dressed in khakis and a gray sweater. Ben smiled and clicked his tongue, watching me rubbing off on one of his pillows. I licked my lips and whined.

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t give me that. Use your words.”

Hmph. I went back to what I was doing while Ben leaned on the doorframe and watched. He kept his hands in his pockets the entire time, gaze lingering on my hips wriggling under the blanket. I buried my face in the pillow when my climax came and squirmed and panted until it ebbed away.

It didn’t feel as good at the last time. Whining, I rolled over on my back with the blanket wrapped around me and stretched my limbs out. I glanced at Ben and he shrugged innocently.

 “Being a brat won’t get you anywhere, kitten.” He straightened, smug. “Lunch?”

Whimpering, I crawled out of the blanket and over to him on all fours. I grasped his khakis to pull myself up on my knees and hooked my sticky fingers on his belt. He delicately traced his fingertips along my cheek to cup my jaw, like I was made of porcelain.

I swallowed hard. “When will this stop?”

 “Soon.” Ben leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Come. You need to take a bath and eat.”

Something stronger than before told me to obey him. He helped me to my feet and led me to the bathroom just around the corner from his bedroom. I shivered and brushed my fingers on the place where he bit me.

The humidity in the bathroom took my breath. I wandered along to the claw foot tub already full of water and suds, Ben’s fingertips on the small of my back. He held my hand as I stepped it and I sank into the heat with a happy purr. The water rose all the way up to my chin and my nakedness was concealed by the bubbles.

Ben smiled. “I went out while you were asleep. The weather is pisspoor, but your clothes were… Not appropriate. I bought a few things.” He rested his chin on the edge of the tub, draping his hands in the water. “Do you know what I did earlier?”

I shivered and began washing my thighs first with a floating loofa. “When you bit me?”

 “Yes.”

 “…No.” The pressure had faded—for now. “Is it that mating stuff?”

He nodded, eyeing the movement of my loofa. “Yes. We’re bonded together now.” His dark gaze flickered to mine. “Mates. It’s why I apologized. I—I lost control of myself.”

 “Oh. Does that mean we’re married?”

Ben raised his head and shook it. “No, no. But we’re bonded, emotionally and physically.”

I laughed and blew bubbles across the water. That definitely sounded like being married.

He watched me for a few more minutes while I finished washing off the sweat and slick. I leaned my head back and Ben arched over the tub to kiss my forehead. I smiled and arched into him. He trailed kisses down my cheek to the bite and sucked gently.

It made me feel warm and loopy again. I held the back of his head and stretched my legs out, whimpering, until Ben abruptly drew back.

He laughed, panting. “Okay—okay. Lunch.”

I stepped out of the tub and Ben dried me off. He lingered between my legs and kissed my neck while I laughed and squirmed away. I’d never been so laid back before. It was easy being with him.

He had bought me some new clothes: in the form of a white nightgown and cream robe. Ben dried my hair while I stepped into a pair of white panties and fluffed my chestnut locks in front of the mirror. He hovered behind me, nuzzling my hair.

 “My sweet girl.” He caught my eyes in the mirror. “Do you like your clothes?”

 “Mhm. Soft.” I turned around to cup his long face in my hands and frowned. “What’s for lunch?”

Ben swallowed hard. “Whatever you want.”

We went downstairs for our grilled cheese and tomato soup. He watched me eat with an easy smile on his face and wiped away soup that dribbled past my lips. Ravenous as always, I wolfed down as much food as I could handle.

He escorted me to the living room and I laid between his legs on the couch, back to his front. Ben read a book behind me while I watched some documentary on National Geographic. We had a nice warm blanket spread across us.

Ben clicked his tongue. “What is this? Another Alpha show?”

I nodded. “Mhm. They’re good. Go over the physiology and stuff.” Then I peered up at him. “Knotting and stuff. Have you knotted?”

He raised an eyebrow and nudged his glasses. His pale cheeks reddened. “Yes.”

 “Does it feel good?”

 “…Yes.” Ben petted my hair and huffed. “Watch your show.”

I smiled up at him. Okay. I could do that.


	11. I'm so sorry, Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is easily my favorite chapter  
> anyway there is dubcon in this  
> very murky chapter  
> my FAVORITE

The snow had stopped when I woke up between Ben’s thighs. I gasped out of a dream, kicking our blanket, and whined as the pressure of heat immediately came back to me. Pale sunlight dappled the floor. Ben stirred under my back, yawning as he also woke from his nap.

 “Still in heat?” he mumbled. He reached over to the coffee table, scattering things, and I heard buzzing. “Open your legs, little one.”

I did. Ben helped me out of my robe but left my nightgown and damp panties on. He nuzzled my hair as he slipped the vibrator beneath the blanket and brushed the blunt tip along my slit. It hummed outside my panties; the only sound in the quiet living room. Daisy snored from the kitchen.

The head of the vibrator rolled across my clit. I rocked my hips into the sensation, already panting, eager to take whatever Ben would give me. We were in the middle of nowhere, nice and warm together on his couch while the bad weather tapered off outside. I was safe here.

He kissed my temple. “How are you feeling?”

I grasped the back of his hand to angle the vibrator where I wanted it. “Hot.” Blindly, I reached for his other hand and rubbed it on my lower stomach. “Feels heavy.”

 “Mhm.” Ben pushed up my nightgown to fan his huge hand across my belly. “You’ll feel better if you come on something.”

 “Okay,” I mumbled. I pushed the vibrator under my panties and arched my hips, pushing down toward my entrance.

My mind escaped me like it did during the last wave of heat and I was entirely at the mercy of my hormones and instincts. Ben could’ve initiated whatever he wanted and I would’ve complied if it meant he’d fuck me. But he quietly moved where I guided him and craned his mouth to the mark, which I still didn’t fully comprehend. Heat had me muddled and more concerned with masturbating than mating bonds.

I squirmed up Ben’s chest, whimpering while he lazily tugged my skin through his teeth. My hand went slack on the vibrator and I let him move it where he wanted as my eyes fluttered shut. He pressed his fingertips into the flat plane of my stomach and wormed the vibrator an inch or so inside me, drawing a moan from my throat.

It stretched much more than my fingers ever did. Ben wrapped his long legs over mine to keep me from moving and I felt his chest vibrate with a purr. He slowly worked the vibrator deeper and rubbed my stomach in small circles, pressing down like he was feeling for something.

 “My mate is so thin,” he whispered, tracing my hipbone with his thumb. “You can’t carry any pups until you’ve gained some weight.”

 “Mmkay,” I mumbled. I leaned my head back to look up at his hungry dark eyes. My hips rolled the vibrator deeper inside me. “Can you punish me again?”

Ben raised an eyebrow, a smile touching his lips. “For what? Being thin?”

 “I guess.”

This time he outright laughed and kissed my forehead. It ended the conversation and I grudgingly went back to fucking myself on the vibrator. Hmph. Jerk.

Ben held me firm when I climaxed from something being stroked inside me. He covered my mouth and I screamed into his palm, digging my heels into the couch under the weight of his legs. The vibrator just prolonged my orgasm until I was left a trembling mess in my mate’s lap.

He gently withdrew it and set it on the coffee table. Dusk seeped through the curtains as I shivered and tried to catch my breath, Ben murmuring and kissing my head. My insides throbbed from exhaustion—I was about ready to pass out right then and there. It felt good. It felt really good being able to come on something.

Ben hugged me around the waist, groaning into my nape. “God, you’re lovely. Perfect.” He kissed the bite and gave it a lick for good measure. “You know, the first time I touched myself since Sundance was the day I met you.”

I swallowed hard, still panting. “R-Really?”

 “Mhm. I just thought about your big eyes looking up at me, and…” He paused. “Nothing else worked up until then. I… I haven’t had sex since Sundance, either.”

That didn’t make sense to me. I turned over between Ben’s thighs, straddling them, and leaned back so I was seated in his lap. He watched me through his glasses for a moment, then decided to settle his hands on my hips.

 “Why not?” I asked stupidly.

His Adam’s apple bobbed and he stared at my stomach, gaze miles away. “Nothing we’re going to discuss right now. Do you feel better?”

The pressure had faded away again, so yeah, I felt better. Ben was pleased and insisted I lie back down and get some more rest. I did, on my stomach, and nuzzled under his jaw to get comfortable. He slung an arm around my back and unmuted the television so we could hear the news. His shirt smelled like expensive cologne.

My heat ebbed away like it had the last time and I slowly came back to myself. I reddened, but refused to jump up and run away like I did the last time. Ben ran his fingers through my hair, quietly watching the weather report. It felt domestic. Being claimed didn’t feel domestic.

The mark pulsed like it could feel my creeping anger. He _bit_ me. He really was trying to live out some weird Alpha fantasy and go back to the way things used to be. I couldn’t get away from him now. We were mates. I’d never get married or meet someone else because they’d see the bite on my neck and know an Alpha was waiting for me at home. He claimed me—like property.

Ben paused. “You’re angry.”

I didn’t move. My eyes stayed trained on the television and I swallowed a lump in my throat. I didn’t want to be an Omega. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want him to feel my private emotions and dress me like a doll.

Something grinned in the deep animal part of my brain. _Yes, you do._

My voice cracked when I gained the strength to acknowledge what he’d done.

 “You got carried away again.”

He didn’t respond. I cried softly into his chest for a minute before I drew away and stumbled to my feet, sobbing harder. Daisy growled from her dog bed when Ben followed me to the kitchen, hands hovering inches behind me.

 “I’m so sorry,” he said. His brows drew together with genuine concern, but not regret. “You don’t have to stay with me, Rey. I can—”

 “Yes I do!” I screamed, spinning around to shove him away. I pointed a trembling finger at the mark. “This can’t be taken back! People are going to see this and _know_!”

Ben stood there in his khakis and gray sweater with a pathetic look on his pale face. He rubbed the back of his head and shifted his weight. I couldn’t feel much emotion from him—that was the way the bond worked—but his disappointment was plain to see. This went above and beyond fooling around and helping me through heat.

He took a step closer. “I’m sorry. I just want to protect you.” I didn’t bolt, so he inched forward again. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I won’t force you.”

 “You forced me into _this_!” I spat.

 “I’m sorry.” Ben studied me, calculating as he took another step. “But I won’t hurt you.”

I cried harder and backed away. “Was this your plan all along?! Do you just want me barefoot and pregnant?!”

He shook his head. He was way too calm. “No, Rey. I don’t expect that from a seventeen-year-old. I’m very happy that you’re going to Berkeley this fall, too. I won’t try to stop you.”

My hands touched the door. I stared at Ben and all the things he’d want from me and all the pains of growing up and twisted the handle.

I stumbled out to the porch and kept backing up as he tried to keep from chasing after me. He hovered by the door as I ran down the steps into the two foot deep snowdrifts along his property. The snow gnawed at my bare legs and I fell once or twice, drenching my nightgown in cold water. I cried while I ran toward the dark tree line. I wanted to go home, but I never had a home.

The fourth time I fell was the last. Teeth chattering, I curled into a ball in the snow and closed my eyes. I had a bad feeling about this—about Ben, and hiding from Hux and Phasma, and fleeing to California. They’d see the mating mark and drag me off for re-education.

Boots crunched. I shuddered miserably as Ben came to stand over me with a blanket over his shoulder. He had dressed appropriately for the weather and clicked his tongue as he leaned over to scoop me out of the snow. I kicked at him with a savage hiss and continued trembling.

He loomed. “I can’t let you freeze to death out here. Come.”

 “No!” I spat. “Never!”

 “You have every right to be angry, but it isn’t worth frostbite.” Ben offered me his hand. “Please come quietly.”

When I refused again, he growled ‘come, Rey’ in the unmistakable Alpha voice. My muscles went slack and I whispered as my body obeyed the command, moving on its own. Ben scooped me into his arms when I sat up and quickly wrapped the blanket around me. I shivered, clinging to his coat, soaked to the bone with cold wet snow.

He walked back. “I’m so sorry.” His cheek pressed to the side of my head and I felt him grit his teeth. “I’m so sorry, Rey.”

The strength of the order faded when we got back inside the cabin. Ben set me down as I struggled in his arms, but he stepped in the path to the door. I clenched my jaw and paced two feet in front of him. I wanted to leave. He couldn’t make me stay.

I flexed my fists. “ _Move._ ”

Ben pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

He seemed ready for my attack, but I tried anyway. I kicked and slapped at his thick coat and bit wherever I could reach until we sank to the floor together. Ben wrapped his huge arms around my waist to hold me prisoner in his lap while I screamed and thrashed. Daisy howled from the kitchen.

 “Let GO!” I shrieked. “I’m going _home_!”

 “They’ll find you—they’ll take you to a camp.” He buried his face in my hair and held me tight. “I can’t let you go. I’m so sorry.”

That just made me even angrier. The soaked, freezing clothes didn’t help and I trembled noticeably while I struggled. Ben tried to let me take them off myself, but I decided to scream like a banshee instead. He lugged me upstairs and down the hall to his bedroom with me flailing in his arms like I had a chance of escaping.

It wasn’t fucking fair. I didn’t want to run away to California and I didn’t want to have my teacher, who I barely knew, as my mate. I didn’t want people staring at my neck and immediately knowing I was a fucked-up wild animal. Mating marks were dirty. It was like going out in public with a ball gag in my mouth.

Ben kept apologizing as he pinned me to the bedroom floor. “I’m sorry—but you’ll catch a cold if we don’t take this off. I’m so sorry.” He tugged off my panties first, restraining me by the back of my neck. “It’s okay, honey. I won’t hurt you.”

I flipped over on my back the second his grasp loosened. This time I slapped him across the face and he growled irately. Ben caught my wrist, squeezing hard, and lowered his dark eyes to mine. It took my breath.

 “Don’t hit me,” he warned in a soft, even tone. It wasn’t quite a command. “I’m trying to help. If you leave this cabin, they will find you, and you will be sent off for re-education. _Relax._ ”

 “You did this on purpose,” I faltered, taken aback by his penetrating gaze.

 “No, I didn’t. Now take off the gown or it will be taken off for you.”

Like _hell._ I tried to slap him again and Ben lifted me up on the bed instead. He dropped me on my stomach halfway over the mattress, bare toes swiping at the floor, and held me in place by pressing his groin to my ass. I clawed at the sheets and screamed again like he was killing me as he painlessly yanked the nightgown over my head.

My phone vibrated on the nightstand. I tried to yank myself away from Ben to answer it, but he pinned my wrists to the mussed sheets and bore his weight down on my back. I twisted my neck to scream into the comforter as he breathed in my hair and kept telling me to calm down. Daisy barked downstairs, probably on the edge of breaking her leg again to save me.

I felt his lips near my ear and knew he was going for the mark. Sucking on it calmed me down, but I didn’t want to be fucking calm. I hissed and flailed my feet in the air as Ben wrestled down my resistance and buried his face in the side of my neck. He jerked forward when I almost slipped free and a low groan escaped him. He was hard.

 “I know,” he whispered. “I know, baby.” He swallowed hard and rocked against me, stroking his length on my ass. “Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.”

Ben licked the mark and I shivered underneath him. He sucked my sore gland into his warm mouth and settled his hips closer between my thighs. I went slack. Calm ebbed through my brain like I’d been shot up with enough Benadryl to take out a bull elephant. My fingers twitched.

He grunted and grasped my hips with both hands to hold me in place, thrusting fast and hard. I gazed at the headboard and shifted forward each time Ben’s hips snapped into mine and he pawed at my legs to part them. He broke away from the mark for a minute to pant on my bare shoulder and planted a sloppy kiss there. My arms lay draped across the center of the bed, listless.

 “Fuck that’s good—” Ben tugged my hips up to angle my entrance along his length. His khakis separated us, but I could feel how hot and hard he was. His huge hands rolled my hips while he huffed on my shoulder. “I’m—I’m sorry.”

I whined and tried to pull away, but he dragged me back in place. He held me tight, mumbling in my hair and apologizing. The bed creaked lightly and I closed my eyes, waiting for it to be over.

His breath hitched. “Yes… _fuck_ yes.” Ben brushed my hair back from my face to kiss my cheek. “You’re so good, Rey—so good—” His words dipped into a guttural grunt. “Sweet little Omega.”

The twitch of his cock was hard to ignore. I reddened as he rubbed me in his groin, groaning as he finally came in his pants. His throaty sounds of pleasure drifted into whimpers as he slowed his strokes and squeezed my hips. I shivered.

Ben kissed along my jaw, sighing, sated. His thumbs rubbed circles in my skin.

 “Are you okay?” he mumbled.

I nodded. He kissed my temple and straightened up behind me. His belt clinked and he took a few steadying breaths, but didn’t walk away. I laid there until he pulled back the covers and helped me crawl under them. I had nowhere to go. If I left, I’d go to a camp.

Ben crept into bed beside me. He set his glasses on the nightstand and curled along my back like a puzzle piece. I stared out the window until tears beaded in my eyes and brought on quiet sobs. This wasn’t how I wanted my life to go.

My mate nuzzled the back of my head. “I know. I’m sorry, Rey.” His deep voice cracked. “I really am.” Ben squirmed closer, enveloping me, or maybe suffocating me. He traced my rib with a fingertip. “I’ll take good care of you. I promise.”

I didn’t respond. I cried until I fell asleep with his long fingers idly outlining the curves of my body.


	12. I'm not a baby in a hot car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this got long LOLLLLL  
> tw mention of rape

The cold, grey light of dawn woke me the next morning. I blinked and yawned softly, stretching out my naked limbs to crack free my sleepiness, and shuffled into the warm sheets. The snow stopped falling but the sky was still gloomy and overcast, threatening more bad weather later on.

The bed shifted. I shivered as Ben’s fingertips alighted on my ribs and he breathed in my hair. He still had clothes on while I was completely naked. I felt exposed and fragile under his enormous chest, but the warmth felt nice. He hummed and dipped his lips to the mark on my throat.

I huffed weakly, eyes rolling. He rolled my skin through his teeth and clutched my hip when I tried to squirm away from him. My muscles relaxed and I went slack at his side like I did last night, drowsy from the influence of the mark.

Ben smiled into my skin. “Good morning.” He rubbed his thumb on my hip bone and kissed my jaw. His erection pressed insistently on my tailbone. “How are you feeling?”

I shrugged. “Um… tired. Hungry.”

Lips teased along my throat and he murmured ‘I’ll make breakfast.’ He slipped out of bed, shirtless, and swiped a black tee off his dresser. I stared after his muscular back until I heard the stairs creak with his weight. The scars on his pale skin made my stomach turn.

I snatched my phone off the nightstand and Googled re-education. Poe Dameron popped up, as did a lot of ads from California relief groups, but I scrolled down to real experiences from Alphas and Omegas on message boards.

**OMEGA BOARD**

_Camp Experiences_

  * _Rape (mostly via hysterical Alpha males)_
  * _Whipping (during heat)_
  * _Forced heat_
  * _Isolation_
  * _Restraint_
  * _Brainwashing_



My eyes widened in horror. I searched through the different examples, some from Omegas who were assaulted and some from Alphas who were drugged to assault them. Bile rose in my throat. Holy shit. These camps really _were_ horrible.

The Alpha board was worse. They talked about being medicated until they couldn’t resist raping unwilling Omegas, and being whipped during rut, and being sexually assaulted by their fellow Alphas. I threw my phone across the room and tangled my fingers in my hair.

  _Sundance is the worst. Lots of sexual assault._

 “I hope you like pancakes.”

Ben stood in the doorway with a wooden tray in his hands. He smiled at my blank stare and I nodded quickly. It looked appetizing: half a grapefruit, strawberries, pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. Plenty of food for me.

Normally, it wouldn’t work as an apology, but I thought about him being attacked and my heart sank. That was why he hadn’t had sex in three years and why he hesitated to touch me. Jesus Christ. The poor guy. How fucked up was he from Sundance? What was he resisting to help me?

He settled the tray in my lap and nodded when I thanked him. I wolfed down the bacon, hungry from the repeated heat cycles, and he sat by my legs to watch me eat. God, it was good. I shoveled food in my mouth, dripping sticky maple syrup on my fingers, almost hysterical with hunger.

Ben edged closer. “I’m sorry about yesterday, Rey. Truly.” He eyed my hands. “How can I make it up to you?”

 “It’s okay,” I said, muffled by pancakes. “Just keep feeding me and help me get back to school.” I shoved my mouth full of more fluffy flapjacks. “This mate thing sucks.”

 “I know. I’m sorry.” He twiddled his thumbs. “I was overcome in the moment.”

We lapsed into silence. I engulfed the rest of my breakfast and scraped the plate clean with my fork, then licked off the grease.

Ben set aside the tray and leaned across my lap to take my hand, splaying my fingers. He made a show of sucking on the first one, and I laughed and pushed it deeper. He smiled and seemed to relax a bit. His tongue lapped across my skin to clean away the syrup.

The plates clattered as Ben crept on top of me. I squealed and shrieked with laughter while he licked my hands clean in the most dramatic way possible. The bed shifted and creaked under our wrestling as we twisted and turned to avoid being pinned, me kicking my feet and him kneeling between my thighs.

Ben grasped both wrists in one hand, holding them to his chest. No,” he chastised gently, “no, no.” He cupped my cheek with his free hand and smiled. “You’re not going anywhere, kitten.”

 _Kitten_ , just like my dream. My laughter petered out and we were left silently staring at each other, way too close together and way too far apart. Ben’s throat bobbed and he slipped out of bed without a word, ambling to his dresser for clothes.

I went downstairs to check on Daisy. We were toeing the line of something really bizarre and unhealthy, and both of us knew it. We’d cross the line and toe back over because it was disturbing and wrong in so many ways, but neither of us could resist. We were both pretty fucked up.

Daisy hobbled outside for her morning potty break. She licked my wrist before settling down in her bed and I sat on her couch to watch TV and wait for Ben. Back to work. The snow had been cleared and school was in session.

I chewed my nails, thinking about the re-education camps and having a mate and basically being trapped in my teacher’s house. For now I had shelter and protection, but Ben took my autonomy when he bit me, and he pinned me down and used me last night. Neither of those things were okay.

…But I did like when he told me what to do. He took good care of Daisy and paid for her surgery. He gave me a safe place to stay during heat and thanks to him, I wasn’t being shipped off to a camp. I’d never suffer the horrible things he saw. He took advantage of my heat, but he could’ve done much worse.

Ben _was_ trying to live something out through me, even if he denied it. He wanted an Omega like any Alpha male, but he couldn’t have it until he met me. Did he realize what he was doing? What went on inside his head? Was this all subtle manipulation or was he well aware of it and struggling to resist his instincts?

 “Rey.”

I turned, shifting on the couch to look back at Ben. He wore a pair of khakis and a blue dress shirt with a cream sweater over his arm. His jaw clenched and he swallowed hard.

 “Please don’t go anywhere.” His deep voice cracked with some emotion I couldn’t place. “…Please.”

 “Can’t leave Daisy here,” I said, shrugging. I turned away and waved. “Have fun at school.”

Ben didn’t reply for a minute. He fumbled with his keys in his pockets while I continued watching TV. If he asked to kiss me, I’d punch him in the face.

 “Did you like what we did the other night?”

I tried to look casual when I nodded and didn’t look back at him. Being told what to do? Hell yes I did. But the whole mating thing had corrupted it in a way, because now I knew he really _did_ want to control me. It made the commands seem… sinister. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to enjoy it again.

Ben twirled his keys. “So did I. I just wanted to make sure—though I’ve done enough damage by now, I suppose.”

 “I’m not a baby in a hot car. I’ll survive.” I picked at my top, playing at noncommittal. “I mean, we could do it again, if you wanted.”

The keys stopped jangling. Ben loomed somewhere behind me and I imagined his surprised expression with a bit of smugness. Maybe it’d be fun again. Maybe not. But if he was trying to manipulate me, I wanted to have my finger on the pulse of it.

He cleared his throat and his voice cracked again, this time nervous. “Are you sure?”

 “No.” I leaned my head back across the couch and raised my eyebrows at his blank stare. “But that’s never stopped you.”

It was too true a statement for Ben to respond to it. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and nodded toward me, adopting the calm assertiveness from the other night. Like a chameleon, he slipped right back into character. He craved control over me but wouldn’t impose it without _pretending_ to have my consent. It made him feel better, I guessed. 

 “Change into the blue nightgown I bought for you and send me a picture in fifteen minutes.” His lips pressed together like he wanted to bark ten different commands at once. “Send me a picture of your mark, too.”

 “What if I don’t?” I asked innocently.

Ben’s mouth twitched in a smile. “You’ll regret it.”

Then he left without requesting a kiss. I closed my eyes and smiled. He wouldn’t be getting _any_ pictures, which was exactly what he wanted.

So I wasted the day lounging on the couch and reading some of the books Ben had lying around. I turned on the news and saw I’d been reported missing. Kind of hilarious considering I was literally still in town. I ate popcorn and waited for Ben to send a pissy text, but it never came.

His Jeep pulled up around four as dusk settled across the forest. I kept my ass parked on the couch when the front door opened and didn’t glance up at the sound of his black shoes in the living room. The television played _Friends_ softly, screen flickering in the low light.

Ben tapped his foot. “It seems you’ve disobeyed me, Rey.”

I chewed noisily. “It seems I have.”

Neither of us spoke for a long minute. He sighed and snapped his fingers and a jolt of excitement went straight through me.

 “Come,” he said.

Shivering, I set aside my bowl of popcorn and hopped to my feet. Ben watched me round the couch and stopped me in front of him with a hand on my elbow. He lifted my hand to examine my fingers, still messy from salt and butter.

 “Is this all you did today?” he asked. He licked the pad of my index finger, raising his eyebrows. “Eat snacks?”

I watched him move to the next digit. “Um… I also read a book. And napped.”

Ben smiled a bit. “My spoiled little Omega.” He threaded our fingers on our free hands and squeezed mine gently. “Did you touch yourself?”

My heart fluttered, cheeks burning. “N-no!” Ugh, what a creepy question!

Ben finished cleaning my fingertips while I stood there, flustered and mumbling, and he smiled.  

 “Just wondering.”

He led me upstairs to his bedroom without saying much. I stood near the door while he rummaged around in his dresser for something, back facing me. He was still fully dressed in his dress shirt and khakis and fancy clicky shoes.

 “Stand at the foot of the bed,” Ben said offhandedly.

…Alright. I shuffled forward to the rear poster of the bed and stood there with my hands clasped behind my back. My heart pounded in my ears as I ran through a list of what he might do to me. Would it be weird? Last time was weird, but fun.

Fabric shifted and something clinked. I glanced over my shoulder just as Ben stepped next to me. He dropped a yellow notepad in front of me with a sharpened pencil and fanned my hair across my back, which he quickly began braiding.

 “You’re going to write lines for me,” he said, “until I tell you to stop.” He worked my hair into a short braid and gathered the hem of my nightgown. “Arms up.”

I raised my arms and he tugged the gown over my head, leaving me just in my panties. Ben set the gown aside and gently pressed between my shoulder blades to lean me over the edge of the bed  I had to rest my weight on my forearms while holding the pencil and that made it hard to write.

 “That’s easy,” I sniffed.

 “Is it?” Buzzing punctuated his sentence and I squirmed at the touch of the vibrator. He grasped my hip to keep me steady. “We’ll see. I want you to write ‘I will not disobey my Alpha’—don’t pause, and make sure it’s nice and neat.”

The tension built fast. I curled my toes, closing my eyes and rocking against the vibrator, but Ben yanked on my hair and I went to work writing. Trembling, I picked up the pencil and drew the first line of the first letter.

This was good. This was _fucking_ good.

Ben didn’t move his hips, just drifted the vibrator along the outside of my panties while I whimpered and struggled to write. The buzzing tingled along my slit and I wanted nothing more than to push the whole thing inside me. On the fifth line, I stopped writing to rock my hips against the wand.

 “Keep writing,” Ben murmured. “Be a good girl.”

I ignored him and kept rubbing up on the vibrator. He sighed and clicked it off, then gathered the notepad and pencil from me. Ben walked off for a moment and returned to drape the blue nightgown over me without a word. He guided me to his desk in the corner with a hand on the small of my back.

 “Maybe you can focus better in my lap.” He sat down and gathered me into his lap, setting the notepad on the worn desk. “Keep going, kitten. You’re nowhere near done.”

Ben offered me the pencil and I did what he said. But the vibrator came back, distracting me, and he placed delicate kisses along the arch of my neck. I struggled to focus on my writing: ‘I will not disobey my Alpha’. The letters and words blurred together and I writhed in Ben’s lap.

He pulled on my braid, whispering in my ear. “Not so easy, is it?”

 “I’m fine,” I mumbled. “I’m f-fine.” I moaned softly and drew a sharp line the wrong way. Squirming, I erased it and swallowed hard.

 “Mm. That’s my good girl.” Ben nipped my ear and curled an arm around my waist. “That’s my sweet little mate.”

Ten more lines followed. He teased me with the vibrator, refusing to dip inside my panties, and I bucked while doing what he said. _Mate._ We were mates. I was an Omega and he was an Alpha. This was the way it was supposed to be, before the extremists and the medications.

My breath hitched. “I’m sorry I disobeyed you, Alpha.”

Saying it gave me a satisfied tingle down my spine. Ben hummed and lifted the hem of my panties to slide the vibrator underneath. I clung to the desk and eagerly rolled my hips, again forgetting to keep writing for a minute. His cock pressed insistently against my ass and I almost wanted him to pull aside my panties and fuck me.

 “ _Are_ you sorry?” he mused. “I think you just want to come.”

 “No—no. I’m sorry.” I wrote another line to prove it, whimpering. “I’m sorry, sir.”

Ben grabbed my hips to readjust me in his lap and kissed my temple. He didn’t say anything for a bit, just shushing me softly whenever I whined, and I managed to write another ten lines. The vibrator grew slick with my juices and I felt a damp spot in my panties that I was sure soaked through to Ben’s pants.

I bucked against the vibrator and he drew it away, kissing my jaw when I cried out in protest. Tears beaded in my eyes, but he whispered to me to keep writing and I carried on. My hand quivered as the notepad slowly filled and the sentence stuck in my head: ‘I will not disobey my Alpha.’

He pushed the tip of the vibrator under my panties again and I clasped a hand over it. I flexed into it, panting and mumbling, and Ben slipped away again. This time I choked on a sob and dropped the pencil to chase after it, throbbing with need.

 “Please,” I rasped, “I—” I shifted on his thigh, trying to find friction.

He pulled my braid and traced his nose down the middle of my scalp. “You’re getting my pants all wet, dirty girl.” Lips teased my earlobe and he offered me the pencil. “I don’t remember telling you to stop.”

I swatted the pencil away and, to my great embarrassment, started crying. Ben clicked his tongue and set the pencil down to brush back flyaways from my face. He kissed my cheek down to the mating mark and sucked gently, calming me. I sniffled a few times as a drowsy haze settled over my mind like I just drank a bottle of wine.

The vibrator came back a moment later. I practically purred and grasped Ben’s wrist to guide him as he helped me settle against his chest. His lips trailed away from the mark and he held my free hand loosely in his own, stroking my thumb with his own. I whimpered, already close to coming, and felt Ben’s chest rumble against my back. All my moving kept rubbing his cock on my butt, something I was _sure he_ noticed.

 “Are you going to listen to me next time?” he murmured.

 “Yes—yes,” I managed, nodding spastically. I jerked my hips and took a sharp breath.

He abruptly stood, bending me over the desk and twisting my braid around his wrist. A pencil cup toppled over and spilled its contents to the floor with a scatter of paper. Ben gave a hard thrust, rattling the desk.

 “Yes _what_?” He yanked my hair, dipping the vibrator lower.

I arched on my tiptoes to meet his next jerky thrust and he groaned. My head spun as the vibrator slowly worked inside me, gliding through wet flesh and drawing a whine from my throat.

 “Yes sir!” I gasped. “Yes—Alpha—”

 “You’re going to wear what I tell you to wear.” Ben let go of my hair to grab my hip, digging his fingertips into my bone. “You’re going to send me whatever fucking pictures I tell you to.”

A small but loud part of my brain was alight with pleasure from Ben’s words. Here I was, stone cold sober and rational, and I _liked_ this. I huffed and nodded as he gave another punishing thrust.

He bobbed the vibrator for another moment, then chucked it across the room and used his hand instead. Thick fingers pushed into my panties and we both went breathless for a minute as we danced across the line again. Ben yanked my hair again, draping over my back and thrusting in time with the strokes of his fingers. The edge of the desk bit into my hipbones.

 “You’re mine, Rey.” He kissed the back of my head, whispering, soft and serious. “My little Omega mate. Are you going to come for me?”

 “I want to,” I mumbled. My eyelids hung half open; I felt delirious. “Please, Daddy?”

It slipped out without me being completely aware of it. Ben’s breath hitched and he hesitated like he was stunned, then groaned and kissed down to my mark. He rolled my skin through his teeth and I felt him pawing to pull down my panties.

 “Daddy’s going to buy more pretty little panties for his princess.” He shoved into me again, desperate, and sloppily licked my mark. “ _Fuck_ —call me that again. Call me that again.”

 “…Daddy?”

I squeaked when Ben rubbed hard on my ass. He reached back to cup it and suddenly smacked me. Holy _shit._

 “I’m going to fucking spank you the next time you act up—cum in these sweet little panties so you can wear them every time you get a spanking.”

 “Okay,” I breathed, “okay.” I bit my lower lip until I bled. “I’m going to—”

A heartbeat went by and I climaxed around Ben’s fingers buried inside me. It was one of those ridiculous melodramatic orgasms you read about in romance novels, and I wailed through the whole thing. I could only feel the intense fluttering inside me and hear Ben swearing.

He turned me over and I came face to face with his wide, hungry gaze. Dazed, I just let him push me up on the desk so my legs draped off and watched him unbuckle his belt with one hand. His cock slipped free, long and hard and dribbling precum. I blinked at it and a blush crept across my cheeks.

Ben pushed my nightgown up to my chest and seized my jaw, locking his dark eyes with mine. “You’re never getting away from me.”

I stared back at him and my heart skipped a beat. He palmed his cock, using my essence on his hand for lube, and jerked off standing between my thighs. Then his expression changed, eyes rolling, lips parting, and he groaned long and low. He huffed and we both watched cum spurt all over my stomach, white and sticky and warm.

We stood there in silence when Ben squeezed out the last bits of cum. He panted, trembling, and traced his sticky fingers down the plane of my stomach. My skin flinched from his ticklish touch.  

 “Beautiful,” he whispered to himself.

He trailed down over my belly button to my slit. I shifted nervously as Ben smeared his cum through my damp folds before finally dipping a finger inside me. I squirmed but he shushed my mumbled protests.

 “It’s okay.” He slowly pumped his finger, cupping my cheek. “It’s okay, Rey.”

I didn’t know what to say or think—so I laid there in silence.


	13. Isn't this sweet?

 “You have room for us, then?”

Ben had one arm under me, holding me to his chest, and the other pulling back the bed sheets. Someone talked to him on the phone balanced between his ear and shoulder, and he somehow managed to kiss my temple when I moaned. Ben had given me a bath and I was ready to go back to sleep. My head lolled on his bare shoulder.

He huffed. “Well, we’re mates now. Fucking Hux and Phasma are closing in.” Ben laid me down carefully, fretting over my hair and nightgown. “I had to buy her some clothes the other day and I’m sure they noticed.” He smiled down at me, laughing. “Yes, she’s my mate. It was an accident, but she’s getting used to it.”

I yawned and turned over on my side. Within a few moments, I fell asleep, only waking when I felt Ben climb into bed with me.

He kissed my cheek, one big hand settling on my waist. I grumbled groggily, which he took as an invitation to come closer. His calloused hand slipped under my nightgown and up my belly to my breasts. Before I could protest, Ben had the mating mark rolling through his teeth.

Pleasure coursed through my veins. His fingertip stroked my nipple and he kneaded my breast, humming into my skin. I pushed back against his groin and wasn’t super shocked to find he was already hard. His fingers fanned out like he was trying to grab as much of me as possible.

Ben groaned. “God, Rey—it’s been so long.” He pawed at my panties, slipping them over my ass. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to get out of hand like this.”

His cock pressed against the small of my back, hot and hard, kind of like a threat. I gazed off into the darkness as he shifted down in bed to align with my entrance, and heard him take a few deep, unsteady breaths. He kissed my head like an afterthought and lifted my thigh with a trembling hand. I knew what he was about to do.

But he swore and rolled away from me instead. I frowned, half expecting him to come back and stick his dick in me, but he stayed away. Ben breathed harshly a couple more times before a choking sob came from him.

I blinked and turned over to find him covering his face with both hands. The sheets were down by his hips and I could see he’d already lost his erection, which I didn’t understand at first. He cried into his hands and slowly turned away from me to hide it.

My thoughts drifted back to the treatment at re-education camps. I stared at Ben’s broad back and felt bile bubble in my throat. Oh _god._

Hesitant, I crept closer to him, unsettled by the sight of an Alpha male crying but eager to help my mate. He shuddered when I placed a hand on his pale skin. A scar ran under my palm.

 “Hey,” I whispered, “what’s wrong?”

Ben didn’t respond. He shuddered again and shifted away from my touch, so I gave him some space to work it out. I stroked my thumb across his hard skin and turned back on my side, closing my eyes. Sleep came quickly.

We woke up to the sound of pounding on the door.

I was slower on response time than Ben was. He already had Daisy in his arms when I sat up in bed, blinking blearily. She whimpered as someone shouted downstairs and Ben yanked me out of bed by the wrist. I stumbled into him and into the closet, still set up as a nest.

 “What’s happening?” I mumbled.

 “They’re here.” Ben yanked down the hidden attic stairs and stepped up two of them to hide Daisy. “For both of us. Stay quiet, little one, and I’ll let them take me instead.”

I stared at him and shook my head. “No fucking way! You’re hiding, too!”

He hefted me under my armpits and set me on the stairs, clenching his jaw. “I belong in a camp. I’m—I’m too damaged.”

 “Bullshit!” I hissed. I stamped my foot and pointed upstairs. “You get up there _right now._ I read all about those places. You don’t belong there, and you’re never going back.” I folded my arms as the front door rattled. “Not without me.”

Ben stared back at me, then nodded and followed me in to the dark attic.  I dragged him by the wrist to make sure he didn’t turn around and run back, then pulled up the trapdoor as the front door broke down. Daisy whined in fear and I hugged and shushed her.

People stormed through the house. Ben groped for me in the darkness and we clung to each other with Daisy in my lap. I jumped when they broke into the bedroom, and he nudged under my jaw to suck gently on the mating mark.

 “The car is out front!” snapped Hux.

 “They’re not here, sir. Perhaps they already fled for California.”

 “Track her cell phone. Find out where she is—we can’t have an unclaimed Omega on the loose.” Hux laughed frigidly. “And make sure you leave a spot for Solo to watch her be raped.”

I choked on a sob. Ben tightened his grip on me, stimulating the mark to get me to calm down. Hux demanded someone find Daisy so he could shoot her in the head, but no one could, thank god. I stroked her head and held back tears. Please don’t find us. Please don’t find us.

They threw shit around the house, smashing glass and laughing with each other. Ben petted me the entire time to keep me calm and settled his hand over mine on Daisy’s head.

 “I won’t let them take you,” he whispered against the mark.

 “…Are you sure?”

 “Yes, kitten. I’m sure.”

We stayed in the attic long after they left the house. Ben insisted on going down first to make sure the coast was clear, and came back for me a few minutes later. He helped me down and carried Daisy to the bed, now riddled with knife marks.

They destroyed the house. I circled around broken glass from the windows and wandered downstairs to even more broken glass and porcelain. Everything. They destroyed _everything._

Ben followed with a grim look on his long face. He picked up a set of golden dice connected by a chain and clenched them in his fist. We stood in the middle of the destruction in the living room, both speechless. They already took everything from him, then took a little more.

 “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

He put the dice in his pocket. “…It’s okay. I have you, and that’s all that matters.”

I met his dark eyes from across the room and tried not to cry. How could I walk away from him? I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want him coercing me. I couldn’t be what he needed. I couldn’t fill the void in him.

 “Isn’t this sweet?”

Our gazes snapped to the kitchen.

Hux emerged, brandishing a gun and a cold smile. Not a red hair was out of place. He twirled the weapon in his grip and pointed it at me. He wore all black up to his pale throat.

Ben stiffened. “We’re mates, Hux. You can’t separate us.”

 “Legally, no.” Hux shrugged and cast me a sideways glance. “But I could always kill her and drag you back to rehabilitation.” He smiled eerily, cocking his weapon. “I know how much you enjoy being fucked against your will.”

 “Stay away from him!” I snarled.

Hux leveled his gun with my forehead. “Don’t worry, little girl—I only rape men.”

Daisy came to the rescue, risking breaking her leg again to bite Hux’s arm with a fierce howl. The gun fired into the wall and Ben descended on Hux in the next moment, ripping the weapon away from him. He pistol-whipped Hux across the head and held out the gun with a trembling hand.

Hux coughed blood, laughing. “Go ahead and shoot me, you _beast._ You’ll still remember my cock in your mouth and up your ass.”

Ben didn’t have to kill him. Daisy seemed to read my mind and sank her teeth into Hux’s throat, ripping it open with a quick yank of her neck. I turned away from the fountain of blood and gore, covering my mouth.

Hux’s pained gurgles stopped after a minute. I heard bullets clink to the floor and Daisy growled once more at the corpse. She came over to me, white muzzle stained red, and rested her head in my lap. She did good. If she didn’t kill him, I would’ve. _Monster._

Ben cleared his throat. “We should pack. Poe Dameron has space for us in his compound in California.”

I closed my eyes, sniffling and petting Daisy. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 “I don’t want sympathy. I want change.”

Daisy sat with me in silence. I led her to the kitchen and cleaned her bloody muzzle, crying the entire time. Hux twitched once or twice on the living room floor.

Ben came downstairs with two suitcases. He ran a hand through his black hair, throat bobbing, then scooped me off the floor and kissed me on the lips, passionate but gentle.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back. He huffed and wrapped his arms around my waist and slipped his tongue in my mouth, unrelenting. I curled my calves around his waist and ignored the tears running down my cheeks. No one would hurt him again—I’d make sure of it.

Ben set me on the kitchen table, huffing. “I’m sorry. I have a hard time with sex.”

 “I’m not mad about that,” I said quickly. “I just… what did they do to you?”

 “…A lot of things—and I did a lot of bad things.” He kissed my mating mark, shivering. “I liked domination before the camp, Rey. It—it didn’t awaken anything in me. They drugged me and left me in a cell with an Omega. I had no choice. I couldn’t help myself.”

I nodded. “I know. You’re not a bad person.”

He shook his head, burying his face in my neck. “I _am_ a bad person. I always have been. This is my punishment.” His body trembled. “And I had the same assault inflicted on me.”

But I kept insisting he was okay. Ben nuzzled into my neck and kissed me hungrily, like he was starving for touch, and I hugged him closer. Now I just felt bad for him. He was trying to help, but being around me warred with his instincts to possess and dominate.

He wiped his tears on my throat. “I… I liked raping them, Rey. I liked the feeling of power.” His dark, sparkling eyes met mine. “I’m so sorry.”

 “It’s okay,” I whispered, because I didn’t know what else to say. “It’s okay, Ben. You’ve been tortured and manipulated. We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

Ben nodded, lower lip quivering. “Okay.”

Then he bent me over the table and got off humping me again. I clutched his forearms and smiled when he lit up with an orgasm, smiling and flexing his hips. He came in his pants and reached in to gather cum that he smeared on my cheek. I licked it up. 

We gathered our things and left Hux’s dead body behind. Ben kissed me as he loaded the trunk of his Jeep. I clawed his shirt and kissed him back.

 “They’re watching,” he whispered.

 “I know.” I gazed into his dark eyes and shrugged. Let’s hurry up and get to California.”


	14. It's just us now, kitten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they bang  
> also i accidentally wrote half of this in present tense so if there's tense confusion I'M SORRY OKAY

We had no choice but to take Ben’s Jeep. We knew it was being tracked, but we had no other mode of transportation and had to get the hell out of Massachusetts.

He loaded our stuff in the trunk and settled Daisy in the back seat. I hopped in front and reddened when he leaned over to kiss my temple. I still wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing. He was so old, and a doctor, and I barely knew him. But Ben didn’t have the same hang ups about us that I did.

Neither of us spoke until we reached Ohio. I figured we just didn’t know what to say.

We were paranoid about being found by the authorities, so Ben intended on camping for the most part. I watched the towering pines as we drove into our first spot across crackling gravel, and prayed no one figured out where we were.

It was freezing cold. No one else was dumb enough to camp in the Ohio winter. I waited in the car with Daisy’s head in my lap while Ben set up our tent and sleeping bags, unaffected by the cold. Alphas literally ran hot. They weren’t as sensitive to low temperatures.

He carried Daisy inside first and made sure she was bundled up before coming back for me. I tried to walk, but Ben scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the tent as well.

It was roomy and thankfully had an inflatable mattress. I awkwardly thanked Ben as he settled me inside my sleeping bag.

Ben’s dark eyes had darker circles under them. He drove all day, somehow keeping himself awake, _and_ set up our tent. I watched him roll his broad shoulders and run a hand through his black hair before he slipped into his own sleeping bag. I blinked at him through the silent darkness.

 “…Did you attack anyone before the camp?” I whispered.

He opened one eye. “No, Rey. I didn’t.” The eye shifted, looking past me. “…I enjoyed it when they drugged me, though. I’m not sure what to make of that.”

We lapsed back into silence. My teeth chattered lightly and Ben frowned.

I shook my head. “I’m okay.”

 “Okay.”

There was nothing else to say. Why should I keep prodding him? It happened. He was drugged. Alphas were naturally inclined to dominance. As long as he didn’t hurt anyone fully sober in normal society… I could kind of digest it.

Ben clicked his tongue. “Kitten.”

This time I opened one eye. He gazed at me, dark eyes hungry. My cheeks flushed.

He slowly unzipped his sleeping bag and mine to join them together. Daisy snored in the corner as Ben drew me into his arms and warmth, and I eagerly snuggled under his chin. He felt safe. He was an Alpha male—I _knew_ he was safe.

His throat bobbed. “…Did you like what we did last night?”

 “Mhm.” I sighed on his skin. “I’d tell you if I didn’t.”

 “…Are you sure?”

 “Yes?”

Ben skated a hand down my thigh. “You like when I tell you what to do, then?”

I nodded, squirming under the sleeping bag. He swallowed hard again and shifted, and I felt hot pressure on my stomach. No sound. The bugs were gone for the winter.

He rolled over on top of me. “Do you want to play?”

I spread my thighs around his hips and nodded. He was heavy, but leaned his weight on his forearms. I welcomed the body heat, curling into him, and Ben buried his face in my neck. He groaned and rocked his erection between my thighs.

It felt nice. The animal part of my brain loved feeling him rubbing against me; the pressure of his hard body on mine. I wrapped my arms around his back and hitched my calves around his, straining my clit to his cock. Ben thrusted jerkily into me.

 “Do you feel safe here?” he whispered. “Do you think I can protect you?”

 “Yes—yes.” I dug my nails into his shoulder blades. “Yes, Alpha.”

Ben licked the mark. “Good girl. That’s my good girl.” He tugged on my pants. “Take these off.”

I struggled to help him get my pants off. He shifted between my thighs to leave room and breathed on my throat. The sleeping bag was nice and warm and I felt comfortable lying underneath him. He was big, and Alpha, and safe. I wanted him.

 “Wanted to bend you over my desk—” Ben kissed my jaw, hungry and hard. “Pin you down—make you squirm for me.”

We worked together to get his sweatpants off his hips until his cock brushed my bare skin. I clung to Ben, hiding my face in the crook of his shoulder, and trusted he knew what to do better than me.

He swallowed hard enough for me to hear. I rocked my hips to encourage him, nibbling the hard muscle near his shoulder, and he reached a hand between us to stroke his head through my folds. It was a weird, dizzying sensation, knowing he was so close to sinking inside me.

Ben huffed a laugh. “This is so wrong.”

I slid my hands down to his hips and huffed back. “Who cares?”

 “Karma, I suppose.” He made a tentative thrust. “Morality… ethics…”

 “That doesn’t matter now, right?”

He kissed my temple, smiling. “No, it doesn’t. It’s just us now, kitten.”

Rain drummed down on the tent. Ben cast another worried look toward Daisy, then whispered in my ear as he pushed deeper inside me. A small squeak escaped my throat and his lips nibbled down to my mark. I clutched his hips and smiled into his shoulder, listening to his strangled groans.

We went slow—there was no rush. Ben mumbled over and over about how tight I was. Our sleeping bags rustled, mattress rolling under us as my mate  thrusted as gently as possible. He wormed through my tight, wet flesh while rain dampened the ground outside and filled our tent with the scent of earth.

Ben didn’t say much. I wasn’t sure why.

Then he broke through the last tight barrier of skin and was seated inside me. It was a tight, painful fit; like swallowing something too big, but I tried to relax and kiss Ben’s neck when he kissed mine. He latches on to the mark and sucked, calming me before he resumed gentle thrusts.

He grunted, blindly moving as slow as he could. It was okay with me. I tried adjusting to his size while not showing how awkward and uncomfortable it felt.

 “God— _fuck_ —” Ben kissed me and panted on my skin. “Jesus _Christ_ , Rey. Are you okay?”

 “Mhm,” I lied, wincing.

 “Good; that’s good. That’s good.” He sucked on my mark again, groaning. “You feel fucking incredible. I know it’s been three years for me, but—fuck, you’re tight and sweet. _Sublime._ ”

I swallowed, quivering a laugh. “I’m… glad?”

He sighed contently and settled into a tender rhythm. It didn’t feel desperate or anything; it felt like he was just happy to be inside me. I nuzzled under his jaw and Ben purred and turned his head to kiss my temple, edging closer under the sleeping bag.

We shivered whenever the cold rainy air got under the bag until Ben zipped it up over our heads. Our warm breath filled the space and it grew hard to breathe, but I liked being close to him.

He blinked at me, then hid his face in my neck. “Can you come this way?”

 “Um… probably.” I squirmed, hitching my hips up higher. His pelvic bone rubbed across my clit. “Ooh; yes, yes.”

So Ben thrusted harder, angling toward me and groaning. He picked up the pace and soon we were making loud sounds and pawing at the sleeping bag. I ground against him and reveled in the feeling of his muscles under my palms until the pleasure peaked—

My eyes widened and I bit down on my mate’s shoulder. He grunted in surprise before his mouth worked frantically over my gland, dragging out my orgasm beyond what I’d grown used to. My walls fluttered and squeezed around him and I writhed, dipping down on Ben. It proved to be too much for him and dragged him over the edge, too.

 “Oh fuck,” he spat. “Oh fuck!”

 “Ben—!”

But he went past the point of no return. He rutted into me, spilling his cum inside with a breathless grunt. He clicked his teeth hard enough for me to hear and slapped a hand on the mattress as he was overcome. His cock twitched with each warm rope of cum spurting forth. I wasn’t mad—I clung to him while he fucked me through his orgasm until his hips finally stilled against mine.

He unzipped the sleeping bag and we both heaved for fresh air. Daisy lifted her head for a second before deciding it wasn’t worth her time. She laid back down and I turned my head to let Ben kiss my throat. He shifted his hip to move his cock inside me, squishing around his leaking cum. He trembled.

A sharp breath left him. “Fuck, that’s nice. Love feeling you full of my cum.” His chest rumbled with purrs as he nibbled along my neck to the gland. “My little mate—all mine. Nice and safe.”

 “Are you alright?” I rasped, taking note of his arms trembling beside my head.

Ben didn’t respond. He kept grinding into me even though he’d gone soft and we were both getting sweaty. I blinked at the tent roof and watched the moonlight dance off the droplets of rain. Maybe I’d just let him do what he wanted. It wasn’t hurting me, it was just uncomfortable.

Wet lips grazed my ear. “I wanted to fuck you in that library. I knew you were scared of me.” He slid a hand down to my thigh, parting my legs so he could push deeper inside me. “I picked up your scent on the bauble I sent you.”

I gasped dramatically. “I _knew_ you gave me that!”

 “You needed a new one—but it wasn’t because I felt bad for punishing you. Someone needed to.”

My body throbbed around Ben every time he rolled his hips into mine. I winced, starting to comprehend what we just did, and felt a rush of shame. It was bound to happen at one point or another, but I felt kind of dirty lying underneath him in a tent in the middle of the woods.

He slipped out of me like he could read my mind, then tugged my arm to turn me on my stomach. It was a tight fit in the sleeping bag and while Ben adjusted behind me, he penetrated me again; just an inch or so. I stiffened and my eyes widened.

His broad body arched over mine and suddenly he sank inside me again with a wet squelch. I blinked in shock as he cupped my stomach, drawing my hips back to his as he picked up the pace. Ben pushed down between my shoulder blades, lowering on top of me until his sweaty chest touched my back. It grew hard to breathe.

 “Did you like writing lines for me?” he whispered in my ear. He brushed my hair away from my neck and gave a sharp thrust. “Did you like calling me daddy?”

 “Mhm,” I managed, grimacing as he bottomed out. Pain jolted up my stomach. “Ah—Ben, this is kind of deep.”

 “This is how I’m going to knot you, little one.”

 “I know, but—”

He bit down on my mark with no further pretense. I stiffened at first, squirming, but he bit down harder and I ended up arching the small of my back. Ben growled appreciatively and threw back the sleeping bag so he could arch his back, too.

I kept my upper half flat on the mattress while he held my hip and stomach, thrusting fast and hard. He sucked on the mark and puffed on my neck, then jerked out a hand next to my head to support his weight. My mind slipped into a drowsy haze. The rain came down harder.

Ben broke away from my gland and swiftly pinned me down by the back of my neck. We came together over and over with incriminating wet slaps and sharp breaths.

 “Daddy’s gonna knot his good little girl.” He buried his face in my hair and groaned, stroking my stomach. “Put a baby in this belly.”

What the _fuck_?!

I gagged and twisted away from him. “Um—what the hell?!”

Ben slipped out of me and he tried to drag me back, both hands on my hips, but I hit him across the head with my pillow. He jerked back on his heels and watched me squirm away with my pillow clutched like a weapon. His sweaty chest heaved, pupils dilated and hungry.

 “What?” he panted. He palmed his cock and his throat bobbed.

 “Don’t pair the daddy thing with the pregnancy thing!” I snapped. “That’s gross!”

He rolled his eyes and seized my ankle, dragging me underneath him again. “It’s not real, Rey. I say all kinds of weird things when I’m turned on.”

I pushed my soles on his hard stomach to stop him from leaning over. A weird look passed over Ben’s face and he clenched his jaw.

 “I’m not in the mood,” I said coldly.

His eyebrows drew together and I saw the muscles working fast in his cheeks. He curled his long fingers around my ankles and his dark eyes flickered to my now swollen gland. I slapped a deliberate hand over it.

 “Don’t even _think_ about it!” I hissed.

 “That’s why it’s there.” Ben wrenched my ankles apart and crept up between my thighs before I could blink. He hovered over me, expression changed into something foreign and carnal. “For when you’re not in the mood, _mate._ ”

We glowered at each other. I worried for a minute that he might rip my hand away and take advantage of the mollifying effects of the gland.

But Ben slipped away from me instead. He put on his sweatpants and left the tent without another word, stepping out into the dark, rainy night.


	15. I wish it could be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter kids cw for extreme dubcon

We drove in silence the next morning—and for most of the trip. I didn’t know what to say to Ben and I assumed he didn’t know what to say to me. He’d taken my virginity and been really weird about to after and now he had nothing to say.

It made me mad. I glared out the window and tried not to cry.

The landscape changed into rugged wilderness, all crags and orange rock forms, and I even saw an antelope. Ben drove in silence. He didn’t seem impressed by any of it. Maybe he’d seen it all before with another woman before me.

Daisy snoozed in the back and we pulled over every few hours to let her go to the bathroom. Still, we didn’t speak.

While we camped out in Utah, that changed.

 “Did you get what you wanted?” I snapped.

Ben eyed me from across the fire. It cracked and flickered, casting a glow across the thick blackness around us. He had dark circles under his eyes. Daisy snored beside him.

 “You don’t understand these things, Rey,” he said. He rubbed his face. “Back before the drugs and the changes… you don’t understand how you’re supposed to behave.”

 “You don’t _own me_!”

He clenched his jaw. “It’s not a matter of ownership. It’s a matter of balance—who’s supposed to fulfill certain roles.” Ben’s dark eyes flickered to mine. “Which you are resisting.”

 “Fuck you!” I threw a pinecone at him, scrambling to my feet. “I’m not going to be your obedient Omega! You _forced_ me into this!”

 “That’s what you’re supposed to be. That’s what you were born to do.” Ben stood, fists clenched. His eyes were red—was he crying? “I just want to take care of you the way I’m supposed to and you won’t—” He ran a hand through his hair, growling. “You won’t _let me_!”

 “You don’t own me!” I repeated, now crying myself. “You—you can’t bite my neck and suddenly tell me what to do!”

I ran to the tent, but my mate followed close behind. He grabbed me by the arm outside and I slapped him across the face. No, I didn’t understand this Alpha-Omega subculture at all, and I didn’t want to.

Ben threaded his fingers through my hair and wrenched my head to the side to expose the mark. I punched him as hard as I could in the stomach and shrieked and squirmed away from him.

He was crying, too.

 “I’m so sorry…” Still, he dragged me in the tent. “I’m so sorry.”

We wrestled until he managed to pin my down on my stomach. Ben latched on to my mating bite and sucked gently, and I went slack underneath him. He hummed and cooed and rain drummed on our tent. Daisy whined outside.

My mate tugged down my pants past my hips. I arched to help him, screaming mad, and he eagerly stroked his cock between my legs. My brain didn’t coincide with what my body craved, and I moaned as Ben sank inside me.

He grunted, still tightly latched on to my mark. The same hard hot pressure filled me up. I gazed dreamily at the green wall of the tent while he fucked me gently, like it made a difference.

 “Good girl,” Ben cooed. He let off, but he was purring, and it was like a wet blanket. “You’ll learn how things are supposed to be.” His voice cracked. “I wish it could be different.”

My brain fuzzed and glazed with fantasies of pups and peaceful mating and Ben looming over me. He fucked me from behind, grunting and lurching inside me like he thought I’d disappear, and I figured a re-education camp might be better.

Maybe not. I did have an orgasm, and Ben cried, so I knew he felt guilty. He tried to leave the tent after he came inside me and I furiously demanded he stay. I couldn’t be left alone again.

We shuddered as we adjusted under the sleeping bags. He kissed my shoulders and buried his face in my hair. I could feel emotion now—small hints of guilt and pleasure and sadness.

 “I love you,” he choked.

I didn’t answer.

—————

We arrived at Poe Dameron’s safe haven a day or two later.

It was all cabins framed with a high chainlink fence. Even Ben seemed surprised by how simple things were as we drove along the dirt road. My spine prickled. Women were wearing plain dresses down to their ankles, mating marks on display. No telephone poles.

 “No service,” I said.

He rubbed his mouth. “Me neither.”

The main compound was a larger cabin in the center. Ben frowned at the people lounging in rocking chairs outside and I balked. The women had hoods on, covering most of their faces, and only their faces and hands exposed. Why?

I swallowed hard. “This isn’t right.”

 “Poe and I are old friends.” Ben unbuckled my belt. “Come.”

The women stared as we walked inside, like they were shocked to see me in normal clothes. I pressed close to Ben. He seemed nervous, too.

 “Solo!”

We turned. A short man with curly black hair appeared around the corner. He was dressed normally, thank god. Poe?

Ben seemed relieved. He shook Poe’s hand and curled a protective hand around my waist.

 “Good to see you, Dameron,” Ben said. “This is my mate, Rey.”

 “Hi,” I said.

Poe raised his eyebrows and laughed. “Oh, I see. She’s not used to our culture?” He smiled wide. “Look—we have a cabin for you two, but I’m sure Rey would like to meet Kaydel.”

I didn’t care.

We were escorted to our own tiny cabin and Ben’s car was taken away. We were safe, technically, but I didn’t feel safe.

The cabin had two bedrooms, a small kitchen, and a small bathroom. Ben sat in the living room with Daisy on the couch. I peered out the window. It was warm and dusty outside, but… weird. Women walked by in long dresses.

I swallowed hard. “Ben… What is this place?”

When I turned, he didn’t have an answer.


	16. Ah. This was nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading this awful story

We weren’t left alone for very long.

Poe arrived with Kaydel in tow for dinner, which she’d already made: Italian wedding soup, ‘fit for the occasion.’ She made a point of handing it directly to me with her eyes averted from Ben’s. She wore a brown dress with a flared hood that hid her face.

I took it awkwardly. “Um… thanks.”

She nodded. Poe touched her back and she flinched. I couldn’t help but notice _he_ wore normal clothes, like jeans and a T-shirt.

Ben cleared his throat. “Rey needs to finish school and she’ll be attending college in the area. I’m going to re-enter private practice soon.”

A strange look passed over Poe’s face. He nodded to Kaydel and she led me away from the living room to the kitchen. I tried to catch Ben’s eye, but he was too busy watching Poe. Something wasn’t right. We needed to leave—but we had nowhere to go. They’d find us.

Kaydel knew where the bowls were. She moved around the kitchen like she owned the place. I hovered back and squinted at the scarf around her neck. It hid the mating bite.

 “I’m going to help you adjust to the compound,” she said. “I have a smock for you to change in to. Mated Omegas shouldn’t dress so… provocatively. It’s inappropriate.”

I laughed. “I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt.”

She didn’t say anything.

We all sat at the table to eat. I felt like I’d gone back in time with the way Kaydel was dressed and the plainness of the cabin. 

Poe smiled at her. “Delicious soup, my love.” He glanced at me. “Can you cook, Rey?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Good. The women here keep gardens—we’re self-sufficient.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think I’ll keep a garden. Not my thing.”

This wasn’t the guy I watched on YouTube. He had a blank smile on his face and didn’t even _talk_ the same way. I stared back at Poe until he finally averted his eyes to Ben’s.

“Of course,” Poe said, “it’s our responsibility as Alphas to guide our mates down the right path—especially when they resist.” His smile widened. “Right, Kaydel?”

She nodded. I stiffened in my seat.

 “I don’t need _guidance_ ,” I retorted.

 “Rey.” Ben grasped my knee under the table and squeezed. “Little one. Relax.”

Poe patted his mouth with a napkin. “No, this is an excellent lead into other things we need to discuss.” He kissed Kaydel’s temple. “Love, can you fetch Rey’s medicine for me?”

Medicine? What _medicine_?

Ben’s throat bobbed. “Perhaps we should be moving on? It seems your values are at odds with our own, Poe.”

Kaydel came back to her mate’s side with an enormous syringe. He thanked her and rose to his feet, flicking the barrel of the needle, eyebrows raised. He sighed like he was mildly disappointed.

 “No,” Poe said, “I think you’ll fit in just fine here.”

Ben growled, leaning closer to me. I clung to his arm for a minute but scrambled to my feet when Poe started around the table toward me. Our front door opened—more men came inside. Ben stood up and gathered me behind his back.

 “This is going to induce heat,” Poe said soothingly to Ben, not me. “She’ll be much more subdued after you knot her. She’ll learn.”

 “I don’t want to subdue her!” Ben snarled. He bared his teeth as a man came too close. “ _Back off_ , Dameron!”

Poe loomed in the small living space. I hid my face in Ben’s back. Oh my god. Oh my god.

 “You can do whatever you please with her,” Poe soothed. “You know this is the natural order. She’ll be happier, and so will you. I know how domineering you are, Ben—how badly you want to return to the way things were and escape the memories of the camp.”

Something struck the right nerve. Ben punched the closest stranger and the rest descended on him. I shrieked as Kaydel yanked me away so her mate could bury the needle in my upper arm.

Cold wetness flooded under my skin. I wailed.

They shoved me on the tiny bed I shared with Ben and he grabbed Poe by the front of his shirt. His knuckles turned white.

 “We’re fighting a losing battle, Ben,” Poe said in a low voice. “We need _more_ of us.”

Ben trembled. “What the hell are you talking about? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

 “You saw what they do in those camps!” Poe glared up at my mate. “They won’t let us be what we’re supposed to be and they torture us into obedience. Not anymore. This is a haven for Alphas and Omegas and the rebellion begins here.” He broke away from Ben. “So do what you are _meant_ to do.”

 “I’m not going to subject her to this.”

 “You are. I’ve seen you do it before, and I know how much you enjoy it.” Poe brushed off his shirt, glancing at me. “We have a breeding schedule to ensure rapid pregnancies. She’ll be induced twice a month until she becomes pregnant and I will personally visit to ensure you’re knotting her.”

Ben kept arguing with Poe. The drug began kicking in, much faster than I expected it, and I rolled over on my stomach, crying into the pillow. My mate sat on the edge of the bed and fretted, petting my hair. Our bond wavered. He was nervous.

The others left us alone. Ben muttered as he helped me under the scratchy blanket and he rose to dump out the rest of Kaydel’s soup. Pressure built between my hip bones. I didn’t have much more time left to be lucid.

 “Ben,” I rasped.

He turned from the kitchen, eyes red and watery. His lower lip trembled and he looked away.

 “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He hunched over the counter. “I’m so sorry. I’m… I’m just trying to protect you, Rey, and now—” Ben shuddered. “He said you can’t go to school if we live here.”

California was a free state, but we were both wanted for fleeing the authorities and probably for Hux’s death. We had nowhere else to run.

The drug sank deeper. Hormones fluttered and Ben tried to ignore them and tried to pretend he couldn’t smell it. I didn’t want him to feel guilty anymore, so I reached out for him and nodded. He tried. I knew he tried.

Our bed was too small for Ben’s long legs, so we wound up having sex on the floor. Neither of us _wanted_ to, but pheromones called and there was no escape from that. He tried to be gentle. Tears dribbled down my neck as he thrusted, scooting me across the cold hardwood.

 “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn’t know what to say.” He groaned into my throat. “I’m sorry, Rey. I’m so sorry.”

I clawed at his back, feral from the drugs, and hissed in response. All I wanted was my mate to swell up inside me, and he did, blooming hard and fast. Pleasure tingled up my spine as Ben jerked his knot in my body, linking us together.

We panted as our orgasms tapered off. His cock twitched and spilled more cum, pushing new life into my body, and I shivered and cried.

 “I love you,” Ben mumbled. He kissed along my throat and latched on to the mating mark. “I’ll take good care of you, little one.”

Hazy pleasure blotted out my fear. I went slack, sticky thighs spread around my mate’s hips, and closed my eyes. Safe. I was safe. I was tied up on a knot and my Ben was filling me up with cum.

Ah. This was nice.


End file.
